IT IS enough to make the blood run chill in the veins of even the most loyal Conservative Party member. Lady Thatcher has been opining about what is and what is not acceptable in today's Tory party. More specifically, she has been telling people what she regards as acceptable - or, rather, those people in particular whom she regards as unacceptable.

Extraordinarily, it turns out they include Michael Heseltine and Kenneth Clarke.

''If I was still the leader, I'd kick them out of the party,'' she told someone the other day, referring specifically to these two distinguished senior figures over whom she held sway for so long.

I apologise for the fact that ''the other day'' in this context was actually a month or so ago - at a reception to mark the retirement of the former Cabinet Secretary, Robin Butler. And the views of the last Prime Minister-but-one on anything might also be held to be of minimal relevance to current British politics.

But isn't it remarkable, at least, that the state of the Conservative Party has reached a stage where Margaret Thatcher could speak so derisively of two Ministers, both of whom served many years in her Government, and who have between them spent 41 years speaking for the Conservative Party from the front bench in the House of Commons?

The context of the conversation was - now, here's a surprise - about the views of Messrs Clarke and Heseltine on Europe in general and on a single currency in particular. Her Ladyship established that the person with whom she was talking was ''sound on the Market'' before expressing herself in such forcible terms. It was apparently because of

the attitude her two former colleagues were taking towards William Hague's approach to Europe that she held such strong views.

But then, as their views have not changed on this subject in recent history and it is only those of the Tory leaders that have, this does seem a little unfair. Still, perhaps it might be a little bit of good news for William Hague. Poor man needs something.

The assertion by Stephen Dorrell, after standing down from the Shadow Cabinet this week - perhaps shortly before he was sacked - that he intends to remain a big beast in the Tory party's future didn't surprise his friends. The political arithmetic looks like this: Tony Blair is persuaded by the possibilities of what we have to call ''millennium rhetoric'' to go for a General Election in the year 2000. He will lose some seats but this will probably be to his advantage. The back benches are already getting restive and some of the more awkward would be scythed by the electoral reaper. William Hague, if he has held on that long, will have to go. Everyone else still prominent on the Tory left will be over the hill and far away heading for the Sunlit Uplands Retirement Home. That is why Dorrell yesterday asserted: ''I'm only 45.'' So that gives us Dorrell vs . . . well, Michael Portillo? Who can

tell? What I can tell you, however, is that two-thirds of the present Tory MPs have majorities under 5000. Only about 50 have the greater confidence of a figure above that. This does not help the current instability in the Tory party. It is, of course, much too early to assess the impact of this week's reshuffle - but anything which relies quite so much on the promotion of Ann Widdecombe has to worry someone.

Sir Bernard Ingham had some aggressive comments to make about the way the present Government organises its relations with press. When he gave evidence to the Commons Inquiry this week, he made specific reference to the dangers of a No 10 press spokesman having favourites among political correspondents, a policy Alistair Campbell is said to pursue.

This enraged no other than Joe Haines, formerly Campbell's boss at the Daily Mirror, and before that the No 10 Press Secretary for Harold Wilson. He knows a thing or two about these things, from both sides.

''Ingham played favourites,'' he insisted angrily yesterday. It seems likely that the Select Committee Inquiry may be asked to hear more from Mr Haines.

As for this business of favourites - well, who am I to opine? After all, Alistair Campbell, my successor as political editor of the Daily Mirror, doesn't return my calls.

What exactly is going to happen to press relations in the Foreign Office in the near future? Is Robin Cook going to be given a more human face

- well, if you see what I mean, so to speak. That is only one conclusion that may be drawn from the current state of affairs in the News Department at King Charles Street, where the Head of News, Nigel Sheinwald, is due to move on in the summer. Onward and upward. As is the way with career diplomats, Mr Sheinwald is interested in following the path of a number of his predecessors in this post, who have gone on to become British ambassadors and thus important people in other people's countries. This is a far more rewarding career than a job of power and influence at home. But what, then, of the future back at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office where John Williams, another former political editor of the Daily Mirror, has recently been appointed to the job of Deputy Head of News? Is he being groomed for the takeover? It might certainly be the case that, given Mr Cook's problems with public

relations in recent months, it was felt necessary to import a career professional to help him out. It could well be more help than a whole Foreign Office full of diplomats has been in the past year.