Tour Diary

WHEN it comes to dealing with a spiralling overdraft, Fiji's rugby adminstrators may have a useful tip for their counterparts at Murrayfield, who have a multi-million pound debt to deal with.

Speaking on the day the Fijian RU finally agreed to accept their government's offer to underwrite a $2.2m loan which will help turn their game professional, national coach Brad Johnstone outlined the degree of difficulty they have in maintaining continuity as they prepare for matches.

''Well we won't, for example, be staying in this hotel before our next game,'' he explained, in a resigned tone. ''The bill won't be paid, so we'll just have to move on to another hotel the next time.''

q Scotland's players may have had a very bad day at the office when beaten 51-26 in Suva, but it was almost salvaged for the team sponsor. Their representative, Simon Laird, had been invited to do a bit of Scottish player identification and help out with the local TV commentary.

After a quiet beginning alongside the raucous Fijian commentator, he quickly got into his stride and by half-time was able to boast proudly: ''Three mentions for The Famous Grouse so far.'' Unfortunately, they apparently don't sell the stuff in Fiji.

q Discourse on how Scotland's tourists are perceived in Australia, following the Test defeat by Fiji.

Aussie journalist to member of Scottish press corps in 'phone conversation: ''You're over here with that bunch of losers.''

Reply: ''Well . . . yes, I suppose so.''

Supplementary question: ''Did the Fijians take your guys on the coach ride from hell - Nadi to Suva?'' Reply: ''Well, er, yes.''

Great mirth on other end of line: ''Yep, thought so - gets 'em every time.''

q Exiting the first press conference in Melbourne we discover that the team hotel is also the venue for a Royal Australia and New Zealand Psychiatrists College seminar. That afternoon's workshop topic, ''Personality disorders,'' featuring, among other things, obsessive behaviour.

Having just undergone a Jim Telfer special, on the subject of what can be learned from antipodean rugby, the identity of the hack who observed that the shrinks need only switch rooms to perform a classic case study must be protected for his own future well-being.

q They may have missed the boat in terms of selection for the Test in Fiji, but Craig Joiner and Glenn Metcalfe were determined not to miss the bus when it pulled off without them bound for the famous MCG, which the Scotland squad had been invited to visit during their stay.

A hint of who has the edge in speed: It was Joiner who found the extra yard of pace to catch up just as the vehicle reached the bottom of the hotel ramp before hitting the main road.