Your man Gavin Hastings has been exhorting us to do a few things of late.

One, of course, was to walk everywhere instead of taking the car, or as he demonstrated so ably in the advert instead of sit-ups, running and squash and swimming.

Then he was on an advert with your man Nick Nairn showing us that Big Gav thought the quick way to reduce the fat in a bacon and egg breakfast was to whack it with an axe.

Now, we can exclusively reveal that when Big Gav's car was in for a service recently he was spotted standing at a bus stop, which as far as we can see wasn't walking.

We can only assume that later that day he visited Sid's cafe for a fry up - complete with axe of course, before quaffing a few pints of beer and starting smoking.

nIt's the start of the rugby

season, oh thank you, thank you.

These Aussies are very strange. We've come across a thing called the 13 commandments of rugby from a women's rugby group in Australia.

Enjoy them. They start off by saying that ''thou meaneth thyself, or for forwards it means you.'' Cheeky little kangaroos, but you get the message.

1 - If thou commits to thy team thy team shalt returneth thy commitment.

(Even in Australia this is called the Peter Wright clause.)

2 - Sweat for thou is good wheneth thy trains and consequently the less thou bleeds and acheth during a game.

3 - Thou shalt always respect thy game and cherish the souls that teacheth it. (Again, called a Peter Wright clause).

4 - Thou shalt exclaim many words of praise in the name of thy team mates.

(Cartha Queens Park have an opt out here.).

5 - Thou shalt search for support when running with thy ball, and only taketh the ball into contact when support for thou is nay. (Kenny Logan is excused).

6 - Thou shalt guideth thy team mates throughout the

game with pertinent and specific utterances.

7 - Thou shalt nay be reprimanded for making mistakes only for not learning from thy mistakes.

8 - When thou getteth tired and layeth upon the sacred turf thou shalt gaze upeth and gaineth

energy from thy team. (This was scuppered, remarkably, by an English international flanker Peter Dixon, who once famously urinated over the Glasgow Accies captain, Ally Provan, in a match with

Gosforth).

9 - Thou shalt playeth to thy limit (that is, wheneth thou nay runneth more nor executeth vast skills more effectivelyeth) in every game of rugby thou playeth. (Damian Cronin had an opt out in his contract).

10 - Thou shalt execute thy role well and then do some more.

11 - Thou shalt always shareth cheer and civility with thy team mates and thy opponents after the game.

12 - Thou shalt sing the rugby songs with great gusto andeth enthusiasm.

13 - Thou shalt giveth thanks each day for the game of rugby

It's a great game, despite being lauded by lithsping lassies.

n Lastly, seeing as how this is the start of the season between this week and next week we'll be

giving a beginner's guide to the game of rugby.

Playing rugby? In your first game keep it simple. Hit anything that is carrying the ball. You will generally be more popular if that happens to be someone in the opposition and it must not be the referee.

If it is a Welsh referee then it doesn't matter. When you get the ball run like hell, and your team-mates would prefer that this is in the direction of your opposition's try line.

In your second game you should try to master the pass, which is passing the ball backwards to a team mate who is in a better position than you are.

Screaming and throwing the ball up in the air is considered bad form unless you went to Kelvinside Academy.

During a game you should follow slightly behind team-mates so that you can receive passes, although if you continuously drop the ball you will become what is called a prop forward.

In your third game you should try to master the kick where you can sometimes kick the ball over an opponent's head and catch it.

If you are a prop, or live in Galashiels, then just dropping the ball on your foot and kicking it anywhere is good enough.

Next week we go into the

subtleties of the game, but let us leave you with a taster.

A ruck, or course, is a situation where anything from three to 30 people pile on top of the tackled player and play is stopped only when the person at the bottom cannot breathe any more.

Ah, the joy of the game.