Well plaid the world over

Tartan Army on its heroic global campaigns? In the past decade a tidal wave of tartan has swept across Scotland, enveloping not just true MacDonalds, Douglases, MacKenzies, Buchanans, and all their ilk, but people called Singh, Winterbottom, Wasserman, and O'Hara.

Everyone wants to look like our Braveheart (it's Tartan Day today in America) and while they may not have the dash to do it in the office or at the factory, any other excuse will do. Spring weddings will see a forest of hairy knees. First Communions in May will be celebrated by hordes of little lads in kilts. Graduations, school proms, firms' dances, any other reason for a bit of a twirl.

Scotland's win on Sunday will doubtless cause an increased demand for the official rugby colours. As it is, the licensed sporting tartans - notably Rangers and Celtic - are incredibly popular. For many people, being a supporter is probably the nearest thing to belonging to an ancient clan.

It's odd to think that 20 or 30 years ago a teenage boy would have thought wearing a kilt was ''sissy''. Now, quite rightly, it conjures up visions of patriotism, bravery, swagger, and strength. There are very few men who don't look better in a kilt, and little boys look absolutely adorable in them.

Whatever the reasons, demand for the full Scottish ensemble has soared beyond the kilt-makers' wildest dreams. The millennium celebrations put suppliers into a positive frenzy of measuring and making-up. The most popular outfit for weddings and many other posh occasions is the Prince Charlie rig (and please don't call it the Bonny Prince Charlie, as that upsets the makers). That means the Prince Charlie coatee - black barathea, cut short at the front, almost like a bolero, with a short, cropped tail effect at the back - kilt, dress sporran, and chainstrap, plain coloured flashes and garters, sgian dubh, kilt pin, hose, and ghillie shoes, with wing collar and bow tie.

To buy that lot at Hector Russell's Huntly Street Kiltmaker Centre in Inverness, or any of its 12 other Scottish outlets, including Aberdeen and Edinburgh, would set you back #699.95, not including the shirt and tie. That's with a kilt composed of six yards of material. A full eight-yard kilt would add to the price.

Package prices vary from place to place. Slanj in Glasgow's West George Street sells the outfit with an eight-yard, 13oz wool kilt in a choice of 14 tartans for between #595 and #695.

Amazing numbers of people are quite happy to buy the full regalia. More practical in a way than the Prince Charlie, if you're buying, is the semi-dress package with an Argyll jacket. This, worn with a pale grey tie, would, in the view of the purists, be more appropriate for a daytime do.

There's also the tweed kilt jacket or the Montrose doublet, worn with a lace jabot and lots of flourish. Most evocative of all is the Feileadh-mhor - over six yards of tartan cloth from #18.95 per metre, which a chap just folds, drapes, and ties for a ruggedly macho Mel Gibson look. With it, he'd wear a laced-up ghillie shirt. He could, of course, also be supplied with a Braveheart sword for a mere #245.

While sales may have spiralled - especially of the basic, machine-stitched, six-yard #100 kilt, bought in its thousands by football fans, to be soaked, ripped, and have beer and even worse spilled on it - it's in the hire business that the figures float out of control.

Stewart Sutherland at R G Lawrie's in Glasgow's Buchanan Street (established in 1881 and taken over by Hector Russell 15 years ago) has been dispensing kilts and accessories for 35 years and says he's never seen anything to equal recent times. The Kiltmaker Centre in Inverness makes all their outfits and is also a popular visitor attraction, explaining the history and construction of the garment throughout the ages.

There are about 1500 tartans and some people are very picky about trying to find the one that links up, however obscurely, to their family tree. Others just choose a pattern they like. ''We ourselves only offer four tartans in the basic hire range - two ancient, one modern, one red. Other firms who get their kilts from outside suppliers, may offer more,'' says Sutherland. Hire, he says, shot up 100% at the New Year, but it also rises around Burns Night and St Andrew's Night and any other excuse for a knees-up, including students' Daft Fridays, royal garden parties, 21st birthdays, and any formal dinners. Among the most enthusiastic wearers are Chinese students on graduation day!

Sutherland himself, wearing Cameron of Lochiel, wears his clan tartan proudly to formal occasions and to church every Sunday (he is an elder at Glasgow Cathedral). Angela Honthy runs Loch Lomond Gift House, formerly Loch Lomond Kilts and she does a thriving trade in hire. ''We get requests to fit tiny kids under a year old, up to large gentlemen with 50-inch waists,'' she laughs. Her most popular tartans are Rangers and Celtic and Flower of Scotland, which, she says, photographs particularly well. ''Our prices are possibly a few pounds more than some of the big firms in the cities, but we offer 30 different tartans and for people in the Loch Lomond and Dunbartonshire area we save them the trouble and expense of travelling to town for fittings.'' Other tartans she recommends for people who don't have a specific clan connection are the Millennium and the Scottish National. And she recommends

having someone to help you lace up the ghillie shoes, or you'll get into an awful fankle!

I checked round a few suppliers who both sell and hire kilts and all the accoutrements. I specifically asked for the Prince Charlie package as it seems to be top choice for spring weddings. Some firms include the shirt and tie in the price. Others don't, while others can provide it at an extra charge. Most will offer a small insurance premium, which could be well worth considering if you think someone is

likely to topple soup or champagne over you. Stewart Sutherland has some lurid tales to tell - I won't go into the details - of the terrible things that have been done to some of his kilts, particularly by enthusiastic football fans.

All would like you to give them as much notice as possible, particularly if you are of exceptional height or girth or are very fussy about the tartan you wear. Children, on the other hand, will not be measured more than six weeks prior to the event because they grow so fast.

Hector Russell Kiltmaker (two shops in Inverness, three in Edinburgh, one each in Fort William, Oban, Aberdeen, Dundee, Callandar, Lerwick, and the Loch Ness Monster Exhibition in Drumnadrochit, plus the R G Lawrie shop in Glasgow) charges #44.95 for the hire package but does not include shirt and tie and offers just four choices of tartan.

Loch Lomond Gift House,

Balloch, charges #62, but this includes the shirt and tie and a choice of 30 ''fleets'' of tartan and the full eight-yard kilt.

Highland Laddie, Haymarket Terrace, Edinburgh, asks for #53, including the shirt and a choice of 14 tartans.

Geoffrey (Tailors) Kiltmakers, The Royal Mile, Edinburgh, and also in Galashiels, charges between #35 and #57. These prices don't include the shirt, which is #7.50 extra. The #35 package offers a choice of just four tartans. The #57 one has the football, rugby, and other licensed designs.

Robert Nichol Highland Wear, Dunfermline and Glenrothes, charges from #29.75 but adds #6.50 for the wing-collared shirt. The price of the basic outfit depends on the tartan and can rise to #35.50. The maximum, though, with shirt, would be #42.

Gilt Edged Hire Wear, Saltmarket, Glasgow, takes #49.95 including shirt and with a choice of 16 tartans. They offer four outfits for the price of three and it's worth asking your local suppliers if they do discounts for multiple orders, especially for weddings.

Douglas Alexander, St Enoch Square, Glasgow. Their price is #55 including the shirt and everything down to the cuff-links and a choice of 24 tartans. If you want one that isn't included in the 24, they'll make it up for you but charge double for the outfit.

Generally speaking, you will pay a deposit when you go in to order, and you will uplift your outfit a couple of days before the event and return it by two days later. Take it from me, you'll look absolutely splendid. And, no, I am offering no advice whatsoever on what to wear underneath it!