DRIVING into Glasgow the other day, your surfer spotted a truck bearing the web address www.saints.co.uk. Being a St Johnstone Football Club supporter, he wondered

what kind of website was sporting the name of his favourites. It turned out to be

a haulage company specialising in air freight.

Now, saints is a common enough word and is a moniker for a number of sports teams, so it would have been snapped up quickly as a strong, identifiable presence on the web. You've got to be quick off the mark these days, with thousands of new domain names being registered

every week.

So, how successful have Premier League clubs, or their fans, been in securing .co.uk addresses that are based on the nicknames of their teams? Not very, is the answer.

Hoops.co.uk is a portal for British basketball and not an unofficial Celtic site. Celts.co.uk has been registered for Internet for Business, but there is no site built, while Celt.co.uk is the site of a language school in Cardiff.

Bhoys.co.uk does exist, and is in the sweaty hands of a domain name registrar. The same domain broker owns Gers.co.uk.

Staying with Rangers, Bears.co.uk is a one-page wonder comprising three dancing teddy bears and a phone number, with the legend ''Make someone smile, send a bear today'' emblazoned across the top.

Killie.co.uk is the community site for the town of Kilmarnock and football is included, while Pars.co.uk has nothing to do with Dunfermline FC, being the site of a computer firm.

Jamtarts.co.uk has been registered for an individual, presumably a Hearts fan, while CaledoniaNet owns Jambo.co.uk. Dons.co.uk is also registered for an individual, with no site as yet.

Dundee United supporters have missed out on Tangerines.co.uk, which is the colourful independent site of Blackpool FC, while Arabs.co.uk is the home

of a company providing

web services.

For neighbours Dundee, Thedarkblues.co.uk is up for sale, and Thedee.co.uk is registered for a business.

Hibees.co.uk is registered for the Glasgow Web Company, Well.co.uk is something obscure and unconnected with the

Fir Park club, and Buddies.co.uk is owned by an advertising company.

It's a tough old business, this name game.

n Evilplots.com. Now there's a domain name that demands a good clicking, if only because it sounds like something that should be proscribed. However, this site is no forum for anarchists but an outlet for one Gabriel Bell and associates. This gent is a highly opinionated American who just knows that the world is clamouring to hear his comments on anything that he cares to rant about.

He shares his ego with us: ''This is basically a place for me to complain. I simply love to figure out all the little (or huge) things that are wrong with the world and then bitch about them. You, my lucky readers, will get to witness these ravings. And occasionally, if you are very, very good, I may even suggest some ways to fix some of those things that are wrong with the world.'' Do not be put off. The consistently well-crafted (or well-edited) articles cover a wide range of political and ethical topics.

The features challenge you to think about issues in many ways. The selection and balance are good, and the give and take between the editor, writers, and readers adds additional spice.

To work, this sort of site has to be updated with fresh material at regular intervals. Technical problems mean this hasn't happened for three weeks at Evilplots.com,

a problem now resolved, says

Bell. All in all, a great site

for gaining an insight into the American psyche.

n IF you'RE looking for a sound effect for any particular reason - amateur dramatics, annoying the neighbours, that sort of thing - then look no further than www.findsounds.com.

Essentially a search engine for audio files, the types of sound available are restricted only by your imagination. Parents need not worry, though. According to the webmasters, the site is screened for obscenities, which are filtered out.

Parameters let you specify the quality of the audio and the format. An excellent time-waster of a site.

n HOW to become rich in one easy lesson. Assuming you have a product to sell and the organisation through which to sell it, all you require is a unique and compelling mission statement - that magical form of words that will have the venture capitalists throwing money at you. Find that winning formula of words on a one-page site which can be reloaded until you see the mission statement to suit your enterprise. Go to www.bright.net/~flounder/mission.html.