THE scene is the Commons terrace, where the chairman of the Scottish Conservative Party, Sir Michael Hirst, is enjoying a convivial chat with Lord McColl of Dulwich, the Prime Minister's Parliamentary Private Secretary in the Lords.

Lord McColl was called away for a vote in the Lords, leaving Sir Michael to enjoy the view of the Thames from the terrace.

The only problem he encountered was a strong gust of wind which blew all the letters and documents they were discussing into the river. Apparently, none of it was all that important and Sir Michael had copies to refer to anyway, but what he said to Lord McColl on his return to the terrace is not recorded.

Sixties recalled

THE session of the Scottish Grand Committee at Westminster on Tuesday was marked by exchanges on who remembered the 1960s.

Labour Front Bencher John McFall chatted about references to Bob Dylan, and recalled the classic phrase: ``If you remember the sixties, you weren't there.''

He said he was there and was probably pretty unfashionable, since he did not get involved with ``drugs, smoking or anything else.''

A much better effort, however, came from Scottish Office Minister George Kynoch, who had a go at Dylan's lines ``The times they are a-changing,'' but then admitted: ``My singing talents would clear the committee room very quickly.''

Perhaps, with reference to the previous item, the answer is blowing in the wind.

Flier on Burns

WE return to the saga of flags being flown from Scottish Office buildings on big occasions and whose birthday should officially be commemorated.

For reasons best known to himself, Mr Gordon Prentice, the Labour MP for Pendle, wants to know whether Scottish Secretary Michael Forsyth will review the list of people whose birthdays are marked by the flying of the Saltire from public buildings.

He has suggested the inclusion of Robert Burns and Robert the Bruce, eliciting the reply from Scottish Secretary Michael Forsyth: ``I am giving consideration to the matter.''

Slogan wars

A LABOUR Party hand-out to the press gallery the other day was doctored by someone with a rather nasty sense of humour. It referred to a news conference being held by Shadow Chancellor Gordon Brown and Labour backbench guru Peter Mandelson to ``expose the Tory lie machine.''

The original said: ``Same old Tories, same old lies,'' but the doctored version, presumably concocted by someone who is jaded by the whole business and is not a friend of Labour, said: ``Same old, old lies.''

Drinking to change

AS WE know, MPs are concerned with serious matters - such as traditional public house names. A bunch of MPs are concerned about the long-standing traditions which lie behind pub names, but this is not good enough for a group of Labour left-wingers.

They welcome the changing of pub names from those of ``anonymous, unimportant, minor members of past royal families to that of humorous and interesting combinations.''

New names in the frame, according to a Commons motion, are: The Cock and Monkey, The Ferret and Ferkin, The Rat and Parrot, The Slug and Lettuce, The Hedgehog and Hogwheel, and The Snout and Trough.

Unlikely heroine

NO-ONE would ever have expected Baroness (Barbara) Castle to be a heroine of the Tory right, but that is the situation in which she finds herself after her outspoken attacks on the strategy being followed by Labour leader Tony Blair.

A group of Tories have commended her for saying things like the party's national executive committee is ``rather more supine than it was in my day,'' and noted her call for a Labour Government to restore the earnings link with pensions and immediately to increase the basic pension.'' Oh dear.