SUNDAY night, I made Ofpants an offer he couldn't refuse. ''Let me show you a good time in a good cause,'' I said. Which is how the official panto watchdog found himself at the Fol de Rols, a charity-variety event in aid of Enable. He enjoyed himself so much he begged me to record his comments. The high-kicking chorus line - members of the recently launched Dance House - got a thumbs up for style and enthusiasm. Donna Rutherford's wistful, wry monologue about weather, men, and the barometric pressures of relationships (on and offshore) left Ofpants experiencing a warm front of deep enjoyment. Words nearly failed the watchdog, however, when it came to the MZ Maleness Mob, a crew of highly unlikely lads - weel-kent faces whose names we know but will protect - given their dancing orders by Marisa Zanotti. They slewed, they boogied, they slammed, they dunked, sometimes altogether too. ''I've

never seen anything like it,'' said Ofpants. I had to agree.

And I had to agree with his response to the musical offerings from Pearlfisher David Scott, BMX Bandit Duglas Stewart, Beat Patrol DJ Peter Easton and friends. ''Quelle class act,'' as romantic tunefulness (Mr Scott) gave way to dramatic moodiness (Peter Easton is Jacques Brel) before Duglas Bandit gave our ears a fine injection of Serious Drugs. Those surfin' honkin' dudes, The Beat Poets, topped and tailed the evening in superbly stonkin style - our own Dave Belcher spun interlude platters and Dave Anderson (currently in panto at the King's) sent us into the night with the rock'n'roll news that Santa Claus is coming to town.