HARK, the Herald Angels Sing. Unfortunately they may well be drowned out by the racket created by your next door neighbour's brat giving it laldie on the new drum kit which his irresponsible and pathologically indulgent parents bought him for Christmas. This is one little drummer boy you could well do without. Never mind, you can console yourself with the knowledge that by Twelfth Night young Damien will have almost certainly abandoned all thoughts of chart conquering, surrendered his sticks, and turned his attention instead to the joystick on his Nintendo 64. Dust will gather on the cymbals and by next year the expensive prezzie will be featuring in the Classified Ads, under that prevalent description ''hardly used''. Was ever a phrase so redolent of empty ambition?

Christmas is, of course, all about consumer-driven wish fulfilment and for many that means indulging long-nourished desires of pop stardom. And it's not just children who hope Santa has a musical instrument in his sack. Grown-ups cherish notions of musical prowess, too, tending to favour big boy's toys such as noisy electrical guitars, expensive, sexy saxophones, and keyboards which are so sophisticated you'd need a degree in programming to operate one.

''I reckon there's a musician in everyone,'' says Ken Callen, the manager of Glasgow's Sound Control, enigmatically adding: ''Call me Big Ken. That's how I was described in the Spice Girls' programme.'' Christmas draws out the hidden muso like Elastoplast ripping off a festering scab. This is a hectic time of year for Big Ken and his staff; he reckons three or four guitars are currently leaving his shop every 10 minutes. They range in price from #99 to almost #4000.

By Boxing Day - the busiest day of the year for any music store - many of these presents will make their way back to the shop. It's not that the recipients will have tired of them so quickly (although one mate of mine confesses that she has yet to break the seal on the ''Learn to Play the Harmonica'' pack that her brother gifted her four Yuletides past). Customers rarely demand their money back but they often want to negotiate exchanges; it would seem that many mums, dads, girlfriends - and brothers - get it wrong, failing to appreciate the seismic difference between a Fender Telecaster and a Gibson Les Paul. Or that twentysomething raver has no desire to teach herself how to play the blues.

Unfortunately, there is no correlation between present desire for an instrument and future mastery of the damned thing. As a teenager I pleaded with my parents for a guitar for my Christmas approximately 150 times more than I ever subsequently picked it up. After a few months I actually hid the guitar behind the wardrobe as its very presence in my bedroom taunted my lack of vocation. If I had only applied the same kind of dedication into strumming and plucking as I did into whining and cajoling then you would not be reading this feature. I would be far too busy doing guest solos for Eric Clapton or the Gypsy Kings.

Every year thousands of potential musicians succumb, as I did, to vain visions of themselves perfecting the repertoire of their favourite artists, be it the Beatles, Oasis, Richard Clayderman or Prodigy. The reality is that few will ever get beyond struggling through Three Blind Mice or Greensleeves. Someone might spend hundreds on an instrument for you but they can't buy you the dedication you need to truly get pleasure from the gift.

Like puppy dogs and guinea pigs, instruments are time-consuming and must be cherished. As you pause in front of a tempting window full of shiny things on Christmas Eve please stop before you impulse-buy. Remember, A Sax is for Life and Not Just for Christmas.

Scan the classified ads just now and you will spot those who have succumbed to a spontaneous purchase only to reap regret. Here's a piano ''in mint condition''. And there's a keyboard ''still boxed''. Not forgetting the dozens of guitars, acoustic and electric, which the owners promise are ''as new''. It's a litany of the fickle, the impatient, and the easily bored.

Colin Davies, 22, a full-time student and part-time fitness instructor from Carluke, has decided it is time to part company with the Earlham Alto saxophone which, brand new, cost him over #500 a few years ago. He's advertised it as with a case and invoked that classic ''hardly used'' enticement, pitching it at #390. He admits he fits the bill of the spontaneous purchaser who has no staying power.

''I had never tried to play the sax before but, on a whim, bought a brand new one but I just found it too difficult to play,'' he explains, with a touch of embarrassment. ''I did inquire about lessons but they were pretty expensive. Previously I had taught myself how to play the flute and I thought I could teach myself sax as well but I simply couldn't master the breathing technique.''

Clearly, if you are contemplating splashing out on an expensive instrument you should also budget for lessons. At this time of year most music stores will recommend a package, which will include a tutorial book and/or video as well as any necessary accessories, but for maximum enjoyment you would be well advised to contact the Musician's Union (0141 248 3723) for a list of appropriate tutors in your area. Even if you don't think you can afford regular lessons a few kick-start tutorials are probably pretty essential.

Of course, signing up with an expert is no guarantee of success. Dave Mackintosh of Stirling is currently selling a Technics Digital Piano (with manual and stool) which, yep, you guessed it, he describes as ''hardly used''. It was bought as a gift for his daughter Margaret but her interest apparently waned as ''she didn't get on with her music teacher''. The piano was one pricey present, costing more than #2000. Mackintosh hopes to recoup #1400 on the second-hand market but is realistic about the fact that ''the bottom's dropped out of the market''. Check the pages of the classifieds and you will see columns upon columns of people advertising electronic keyboards and digital pianos.

None the less, Big Ken reckons that after guitars, keyboards are the most popular items on the public's Christmas shopping list. And long gone are the days when people bought them to practice hymns. ''It's all down to the evolution of dance music over the past five years. We sell a lot of DJ packages.'' In fact, Sound Control has a whole shop dedicated to keyboards while Glasgow is the base of the Yamaha Organ School.

It's certainly the time of the year to pick up a bargain, both in the classified ads and in music stores offering fiercely competitive rates, but one must counsel caution. Question yourself before demanding a tuneful gift. How deep is your desire for musical domination? You must cherish your instrument. Don't drop hints for a guitar unless you're prepared to shower it with affection. Will that drum kit be lovingly tended or is it doomed to languish, unloved, in the spare bedroom? And, before you throw caution to the wind, do you really have the wind to get the most from an alto sax?