David Hannah unwraps some inventions designed to make light work of the festive season
Contrary to the images of gushing goodwill as suggested by carol singers and Bing Crosby films, if there's one time of the year certain to bring out the worst in people, then it's Christmas. From the greed of spoilt children demanding this year's ephemeral, yet essential toy, to the belt-bursting gluttony of Christmas fayre, the full range of deadly sins is in evidence. And nothing unleashes our Mr Hyde faster than the chore of putting up the Christmas tree.
Anyone who says that they find this particular task enjoyable is either a masochist or sits on their backside eating mince pies while someone else in the house stumbles around the attic looking for the decorations and tree lights. Ah, the lights. So often the cause of festive angst and suffering.
Not that finding them is the worst of it - it's the state they're in when you do. Without doubt, at least half of the bulbs will be broken and the wire will be tied in knots a boy Scout could earn a badge for.
One person who has obviously had enough of this annual turmoil is Ronald Daratony from Michigan in the US (tangled tree lights is obviously a problem of international proportions).
His recent patent describes the design and use of a Christmas decoration storage organiser, and is a prime example of the theory that the best ideas are often the simplest. This unique storage box has two compartments: one in which tree lights can be wrapped around a set of pegs; and another that has cloth-lined sections for the safe storage of fragile decorations. A much better idea than stuffing them into an old cornflakes box, I should think.
For some folk, Christmas is the perfect opportunity to wallow in kitsch and downright naffness. Folk such as the relatives who give you a musical mug for a present. Well, believe it or not, these very mugs, the acme of bad taste, are the subject of further invention. Californians Marshall Frank and Leslie Isralow want to patent a disposable mug that replays the commentary from famous sporting occasions. It can do this thanks to a clever storage chip concealed in its plastic base that is activated when the mug is lifted.
The inventors suggest that sports fan will delight in re-living special moments over and over again. That may be true, although there is also the distinct possibility of them being increasingly annoyed by the distinctive vocal talents of Archie MacPherson frothing with football hyperbole every time they fancy a mug of tea. Ideal for a game of two ''wee halfs'', though.
Another ingenious invention this month may well come to the rescue of those people who find themselves cast as spam-eating pariahs on Christmas day because they forgot to take the turkey out of the freezer.
Food company Nestle has developed an edible micro-emulsion that speeds up the thawing of frozen food in the trusty microwave. Traditionally, defrosting in a microwave is a bit hit and miss, and can be time-consuming. However this new formulation could be set to improve matters. The emulsion - made from water dispersed in approved additives triglyceride oil (found in coconuts) and a polysorbate surfactant - is smeared over the food, so that it absorbs microwave energy to create a uniform blanket of heat.
In this way, perfectly defrosted turkey, ready for cooking, should be achievable in a few minutes, thus avoiding the need to get out the can-opener.
On a serious note, Christmas can bring with it an increased risk of accidents about the home, and Christmas tree fires are a particular danger. This problem has been addressed by inventor David Solak, from Ohio in the US, who has patented a smoke detector housed in a traditional Christmas tree decoration. He has also circumvented another problem inherent to standard tree-fire detectors, namely that the intense blaze of a tree fire can immediately destroy the detector.
Subsequently, any alarm that does sound is often short-lived and goes unheard by people perhaps sleeping in another room.
Solak has thus proposed that the detector sends a signal to a remote portable device which then sounds an alarm. Furthermore, upon receipt of the transmitted signal, the energised alarm circuit locks into the alarm mode as energised by its own power. Accordingly, the alarm continues to sound even after the detector has been destroyed, to potentially life-saving effect.
On an average night out, being able to find a taxi to haul your drunken frame home can be a bit of a task. At Christmas, it is nigh on impossible. Enter one Mr Edward Osmond from Coventry, and his patent application entitled ''system for hailing taxi drivers''. He has come up with the idea of providing a means whereby an intending passenger can attract a taxi driver's attention by the remote operation of a signalling device fitted in the taxi cab. The idea is, of course, that members of the public would carry with them some sort of device to send out this signal. When operated, it would alert the driver to a potential customer in the vicinity. The system would probably be based on a standard low power radio transmitter and receiver operating on a pre-determined frequency and could be very accurate at locating passengers.
It would certainly beat standing for hours in a queue being dribbled over by some mistletoe-brandishing, inebriated undesirable making a last-ditch attempt to compensate for a lack of romantic success at the office party.
Which, in turn, though, is probably still more fun than putting up a Christmas tree.
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