Prophetic words

of agriculture.

The book, published by Aberdeen University Press (at #6.95, in good

bookshops everywhere) is now in its third reprint in less than a year.

This is no surprise if the one small section forwarded to the Diary is

anything to go by.

It tells of a visit that Mr Coutts made to South Africa in 1964: ''It

was a quiet time of year and in the minibus there were only three

others, two ladies and a gentleman who had been to Cape Town on business

and was having a short break before returning to London. This chap

hadn't brought any booze, so I shared mine. On the second evening we

were listening to the news and it was announced that my good friend

George Mackie had won a by-election in Caithness for the Scottish

Liberals, which is my party.

''I was full of cheer and was pouring out drinks for all. Whereupon

the gentleman announced: 'My wife can't stand the Scottish Liberals or

Scotland and when she comes to power she'll see that they are soundly

defeated.' I said (this was 1964), 'It's the Scottish Nationalists who

are on the rise just now, not the Liberals. Anyway, who is your wife?'

'''Margaret Thatcher,' came the reply. Well, I'd never heard of

Margaret Thatcher and when I got back I asked Michael Noble who she was.

He told me and added: 'She and Ted Heath don't see eye to eye.'

Prophetic words indeed.''

Considering Mrs Thatcher's subsequent record on dealing with

rebellious Scots, it is easy to believe in the veracity of the author's

version . . . if it weren't for that reference to Dennis Thatcher

crossing the veldt without a tincture on his person.

Glasvegas reality

THE full details of the programme for Mayfest 1989 will be unleashed

next week, but there is one snippet from the brochure that the Diary

could not resist leaking in advance. Glasvegas, the Mayfest production

of Borderline Theatre, is described thus: ''A new musical play set in

the streets of Glasgow, where some are born great, some achieve

greatness and some are still throwing spears at buses . . .'' See

Glasgow, See Reality.

Toast to a snail

THERE will be considerable consumption of snails and ginger beer by

the Scottish legal fraternity next month.

The reason is the 60th anniversary of a famous Court of Session case

in which a Cambuslang woman sued a manufacturer of aerated waters (no

such thing as soft drinks in 1929). Mrs Mary Donoghue took to litigation

on the very reasonable grounds that the bottle of ginger beer which she

bought in a Paisley cafe to lace her ice cream contained a decomposing

snail.

Hardly earth-shattering stuff, you might think, but the best legal

brains in Scotland consider the case to be epoch-making, and who are we

to argue.

First into the ring celebration-wise is the Law Society of Scotland.

Law Society president Ross has instituted a search for descendants of

the parties involved in Donoghue versus Stevenson to invite them to a

special luncheon in Edinburgh on April 4, the anniversary of the day the

case was first recorded at the Court of Session.

Guests, including the daughter of Lord Atkins, the Judge concerned,

will be treated to a menu of dishes named after the dramatis personae

of the case. The Escargots a la Donoghue, the Diary is assured, are

not to be served in a ginger beer sauce.

The case of the snail and the ginger beer is also to be celebrated at

a cocktail party held in Glasgow a week later by the ancient and

prestigious legal firm of W. & J. Burness. The firm has no connection

with the case, apart, presumably from the number of Scottish litigants

encouraged to go to law by the consumer-friendly ruling by Lord Atkins.

The lawyers for the pursuer were W. & G. Leechman of Glasgow.

The Burness party invitation, in the shape of an old-fashioned stone

bottle, indicates that ''Snails and ginger beer will be served --

separately.'' These will take the form of ginger beer cocktails and

chocolate snails, possibly a more palatable way of celebrating legal

history.

Single women only

APHORISM of the Week comes from Maria Fyfe, Labour MP for Glasgow

Maryhill. Referring to the fact that in over 100 years of Scottish

Labour MPs only 10 of them have been women, she said: ''The Labour

movement in Scotland appears to welcome women MPs -- as long as it is

one at a time.''

An Honest Man

JIM SILLARS wants the world -- and in particular his Govan

constituents -- to know that he's an Ayr United supporter. Never even

darkened the doorstep of Ibrox stadium to see the Gers.

Political animal that he is, Sillars feels it necessary to lay his

soccer affinities on the line now that he has moved into new offices at

Edmiston House, formerly the Rangers social club, and just across the

way from the green, green grass of Ibrox. The landlord is Rangers

Football Development Club.

''In all these Glasgow matters I'm strictly neutral,'' he assures in

delicate reference to his constituents' Old Firm predilections. Even the

fact that Mr David Murray, the new owner of the Light Blues, is an

Ayrshire man like himself will not sway him.

The Diary can also give Mr Sillars the opportunity to nail a rumour

flying around that someone else is footing the bill for his new

two-office spread. Yes, Mr Sillars puts his earnings from The Sun

newspapers into the constituency kitty. No, his Murdoch money comes

nowhere near meeting the cost of the Ibrox office and three members of

staff.

Mr Sillars reckons it will cost him #12,000 over and above the #22,800

he gets as an MP to cover secretarial expenses -- which, as any

political activist will tell you, is a wheen of jumble sales.

''It's not a party political office,'' he emphasises. ''Anyone,

irrespective of how they voted, can feel free to come for advice.'' Even

Ayr United supporters.

Irish bull

WE have reported how broad Scots and Gaelic words are regularly

maltreated by computer spellcheck programs. The Irish, we hear, fare

no better. The word Eirann (as

in Telecom Eirann) produces the response ''Try urine'' or, just as bad

these days, ''Try Iran.''