Smokey Trotters Kitchen
Glasgow
Only When I’m Drunk by Tha Alkaholiks, is playing at full-on party level when I wander in to Smokey Trotters late-ish on a Tuesday evening. The place is bouncing with sound.
Suddenly and surprisingly in-your-face it is too after braving that silent and dark alley, the one that leads off London Road, then seeing a spookily empty empty picnic table area at the end of it and finally - doh it’s this one - opening a door into what springs like hidden restaurant, pouncing tiger from the sleepy fringes of Glasgow’s once-famous Barras Market.
Inside: the lighting is low. Pallid almost. There’s maybe half a dozen people sitting amongst booths and big wooden tables, a few sturdy looking guys I mistake for workies under framed cartoons, a couple in the corner beneath the murals, two tables of single geezers and some ladies eating near the kitchen.
But...this is the restaurant that James McAvoy, yeah the big-time movie guy, called upon to cater for his new production. It’s been hit upon and raved about by various bloggers and even some folks in my office really rate it.
Oh and it has obviously survived the post apocalyptic Man v Food backlash and is still successfully selling burgers when almost all else have pretty much tried and died.
So fast forward, say, 15 minutes and we’re now being assaulted with My Name Is Prince by, yes you knew this one, Prince and the New Generation and your fat food critic here is not only taking bite after bite of the Trailer Trash Burger, ketchup and tangy pickles ooozing out but, and this is the embarrassing bit, I catch my head silently nodding to the beat, feel my legs jiggling in tempo and realise how weird I look to the other diners. Some of whom are actually looking at the strange man in the suit in the corner.
Ah well, down with the kids and all that.
Then there’s more food. Hot Wans Chicken Tenders - Nashville style - and Scampi Fries with Togarashi and Lime Mayo, scampi and sesame. A Cinema Dog with American mustard, ketchup and crispy onions on the side.
Read more Ron
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It’s years since I’ve done this kind of lunch and it was really good
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This restaurant is outstanding - so it gets my highest score of year
I’m eating it all. I’m enjoying it. Truthfully? I’m picking my way through everything I have ordered and have found nothing to moan about.
Okay, I don’t see anything here that hasn’t been done maybe a hundred times before by hundreds of other people, mostly now long forgotten. The menu is extensive; many things squirted with combo mayos and sauces from those sauce bottles that I wonder how chefs once survived without.
Maybe it’s just the luck of this order, but there seems, too, to be heaps and heaps of those crunchily textured fried onion bits everywhere, which fortunately I like, and the burger is enjoyable.
Of course you can stack the burgers up here with all sorts of mindless geezaws, Buckfast pulled pork, Stornoway Black Pudding, cranberry jam, even haggis for goodness sake. But why would you? Simple is best: just cheese, pickles and ketchup.
Get Ron's review two whole days before anywhere else by clicking here.
I can taste the actual burger, I can tell it’s caramelised, meaty in that good way, there are onions, maybe more ketchup than you’d get at Maccy Ds but it’s punchy.
Even though the actual hot dog is nothing particularly special, if you ignore the size, I’m surprised how much flavour is in the chicken tenders. A dry spicy rub on the moist chicken, a growing buzz on the palate, but it’s the batter really. Very fine, slightly wrinkled, somehow crunchy and crumbly and tasting certainly like it has been made fresh to order.
Yes, I will never find any actual scampi in the scampi fries, but they’re £5.50 so I wasn’t exactly expecting any, but apart from that? They too tasted like the person who cooked them actually cared.
Maybe that’s the Trotters' genuine secret sauce.
Menu: Hot Wans (chicken tenders), Just Cheese Pal (grilled cheese sandwich), plus burgers, dogs and tenders. 3/5
Service: Pleasant and efficient, food came pretty fast, staff never far away. 5/5
Atmosphere: It’s at the end of an alley, round a corner, but it’s comfortable and has a vibe. 4/5
Price: Burgers start at a tenner, portions large, tenders £7.50, fries from £4. Reasonable. 4/5
Food: They’re not reinventing the burger but serve it fresh and clean and crisp. Tenders good, burgers too. 8/10
Total: 24/30
Bill: £39.50
Smokey Trotters Kitchen
233 London Road Glasgow
0141-737-3098
Open seven days: 11am-7pm
Ron Mackenna reviews restaurants for The Herald. He always pays his own way and never announces his presence at the restaurant. He also never accepts invitations or freebies – which is why you can trust his reviews.
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