I'm hot in the city - and so is the surprisingly cool Haylynn Canteen

I have been at the canteen for, say, twenty minutes and already the triple bonus points are racking up at a surprising rate. They bring out unasked a carafe of tap water and hallelujah it’s nicely chilled, tinkle-tinkle-tinkle goes my mental points collector. Especially as it’s one of these special Glasgow days when this end of Dumbarton Road, way out in the tenement boonies since you ask, is being given the full Holywood tint by blazing sunshine and long, low very golden Ray-Ban rays.

Phew, I think loosening the tie, and unpeeling the Markies guaranteed 100% polyester-mix jacket: what a scorcher.

Then two geezers wander by. One of them saying to his pal with a nod through the plate glass window: “Haw, there’s a chef in there done some travelling, he’s #!#ing good.” Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.

Haylynn Canteen. (Image: Gordon Terris)

Now, whether the Haylynn pays these guys to continuously circle the block announcing this whenever there’s a fat food critic berthed at one of these two outside tables, I couldn’t rightly say. But - hot damn - it works. My interest is piqued. Especially because when I first walked in I saw a man at a table eating a square sausage roll; ladies with weans and strollers, and a big black menu board with white stick-on letters straight outta On The Waterfront. Or On The Buses.

Course, I cricked my neck and looked up at that menu, standing as I was beside the chirpy, cheery woman at the cash desk – oh, take as long as you want, dear – and realised? Oh, Miso Croque Madame; Avocado Feta Crispy Onion Chilli Poached Egg Sourdough; Ham Egg, Chips, Mustard?

This is no ordinary canteen amidst the vanilla walls, plain-Jane stainless kitchen and full-fat local caff vibe. Closes at 4pm by the way. Just so you know.

Fast forward to right now and my knife has crunched appetisingly through the coating on a American-sized slab of Chicken Schnitzel that’s juicy and hot, seasoned deftly and elevated by being served with nothing but a mound of just-fried-to-bronze girolle mushrooms sprinkled atop.

Technically speaking, they could have battered that chicken fillet easily out to twice the size and served it on a tray instead of a plate, but I like it this way too. Simple, handled beautifully, clean, freshly-made and filed under food-I-want-to-eat. Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.

There’s a motorcycling couple at the next table sprawling, like me, in the now sticky heat, leathers and helmets tossed on the bench seat, the engine of their Honda CB500 still occasionally pinging as it cools at the kerbside a few feet away. They’re eating, I’m peeking now at their plate, Zaatar Tomatoes, Garlic Feta and Poached Egg.

Isn’t it amazing how cool we can all look in the big city when the weather turns right?

Get Ron's review two whole days before it appears anywhere else.

My second dish (I’m on my own and, er, taking a few things for a spin to get a feel for the place) of Merguez Sausages, Labneh, Pomegranate, Mint and Coriander has arrived with a fresh green leaves vibe and a wry smile from the lady who was behind that cash desk.

She did warn me when I ordered: portions are big. Indeed, I think, as I idly consider asking where they get these sausages. They’re burnished, blistered, contain occasional enervating cumin and fennel moments and have that texture that says: we weren’t processed.

But somehow, on a languid, day like today, I can’t actually be bothered, and when she comes by again to clear the debris – I’ve left a bit of the sourdough just to maintain the old dignity, I hear myself saying. Could I have the pancakes with caramelised banana, crumbled Oreo, and honey but…without the whipped cream.? Don’t want to appear greedy.

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I’m mainly curious, honest, to see if they make the pancakes from scratch or do that tiresome, old, but financially sensible 'here’s some we made earlier' schtick. Answer: They make from scratch.

They’re hot, buttery, puffy and while I enjoy probably a piece or two more than is strictly necessary for research purposes I’ve got the message. Haylynn canteen: Good stuff.

Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.

Haylynn Canteen

996 Dumbarton Road, Glasgow

Closed Monday and Tuesday otherwise 10am til 4pm

Menu: Interesting and not very canteeny: chorizo, corn potato hash and manchego; chicken schnitzel - stuff you may want to try. 5/5

Service: Faultless: chatty, relaxed and welcoming. 5/5

Atmosphere: They’ve gone for an actual old school actual canteen vibe, and put the pizzaz into the cooking. 4/5

Price: Boiled egg and soldiers is £4, the Merguez £13, while the schnitzel and girolles topped the price list at £15. 3/5

Food: Cooking to a very high standard; food carefully prepared and freshly presented: the schnitzel was a pleasure to eat. 8/10

25/30