THE toughest dramas to review are those which are neither terrific nor rank rotten but decidedly mediocre. And Crime (STV, Saturday) most certainly comes into that category. On the surface, it grabbed you harder than a summer chest infection; an adaption of a novel by Irvine Welsh practically comes with a guarantee of shock/colour/intrigue and a range of compelling characters. And the cast list – Dougray Scott, Jamie Sives, Angela Griffin and Joanna Vanderham – made a publicist’s job so easy they should have felt guilty picking up a salary. 


Sadly, however, the series, written by Welsh and Dean Cavanagh, struggled to reach ordinary. As the story unfolds of the abduction of a teenage girl, Britney, who has been snatched at a CCTV blind spot, we learn DI Ray Lennox (Scott) is fixated on finding “beasts” (paedophiles) because he was abused as a child. Meantime, rival cop DI Dougie Gillman is working on a case of French people in Edinburgh who’ve died as a result of auto-asphyxiation. (Or have they?) 
So far, so good. But in developing the storyline we were continually slapped about the face with overloaded exposition. For example, when introduced to Lennox’s girlfriend Trudi (Griffin) we learn in 30 seconds that she’s a tough no-nonsense modern woman with a new promotion, who’s extremely loyal and supportive. Because she tells us. 
The writing seems handcuffed to the idea of holding our attention with cliches. The women meantime have little or no backstory, they are largely cyphers. 
Lennox’s cop partner Amanda (Vanderham) is reduced to filling in the spaces between his next cutting barb and his uncontrollable sexism.

 
“How can all our suspects disappear at the same time?” poses Lennox. “There are a lot of people vanishing in this case,” replies Amanda, with one of her many pointless, trite lines. 
What also grates is Sives’s performance. He plays it  so large he almost needs a bigger suit. We have no idea why he behaves like he should be in jail. And we also have no idea why Ken Stott’s superannuated police chief hasn’t been moved on to a job in factory security by now. Nor why so many of the (male) cast were made to wear 1970s porn star moustaches. Makes you wonder if this was filmed during Movember. 
Sadly, the writing proved to be thinner than the chances of landing a new mortgage. Crime wasn’t as grey and grim as the section of Edinburgh backdropped but it was uncompellingly average and unchallenging. If this ‘tec series were a sports presenter, it would be Sue Barker. 


And of course, former Wimbledon (BBC1 and BBC2, every day) ever-presenter is no longer that. We do, however, miss Boris Becker, who can’t commentate because he played a little fast and loose with the taxman.  
But such is the power of this tournament, we still had Andy, whom we love more than summer itself. And we have public enemy Novak Djokovic, the Covid vaccine denier from Serbia. And thankfully, we can also be entertained by the man who will stop him taking his eighth title, Carlos Alcaraz. 
Of course, Wimbledon is magnificent theatre which attracts a magnificent audience. 
Federer for one, and fabulous showbiz luminaries such as Andrew Garfield, Judd Apatow and Judy Murray. Oh, what delights, and tears in the week ahead. 


And who didn’t have a tear in their eye when watching DIY SOS: The Big Build? (BBC1, Monday.) All it took for the blubbering to commence was one little boy to declare: “I’m the luckiest boy in the world” when he walked into his new room that Nick Knowles and the team had built. 
The context however was everything. We knew this delighted little guy had recently found his mum dead in her bed. He had been living with his grandparents in a tiny bungalow, his three brothers in bunkbeds in a tiny room that could have been in a submarine. And he’s “lucky”.
Yes, this series is designed cleverly  to tug at the heart strings. But this week it ripped them right out. 


However if it’s tears of laughter you’re looking for, Lee Mack’s Not Going Out (BBC 1, Friday) won’t provide them. Indeed, there was a concern that this 13th series (the second longest-running UK comedy series after Last of the Summer Wine) would see the tea bag having been squeezed one too many times. 


Could the series that has gone through so many changes to personnel – including the loss of the brilliant Bobby Ball – continue to entertain? Fear not. The opener confirmed that the chuckle count is still higher than this year’s pollen count. 
Not Going Out hasn’t the wit of, say, Colin From Accounts, or the charm of Still Game. But Mack still plays with themes such as mistaken intent quite brilliantly. Was his friend’s wife Anna having an affair with her Italian teacher? “She’s bought a whole new wardrobe,” argues Lee. “Maybe it’s for her Italian teacher to hide in,” counters his wife. After watching, you won’t need to try and get a doctor’s appointment due to aching sides. But try not to smile. 
Go on. I dare you.