I HAD some insight recently into what it must be like to be rich and it troubled me just how quickly acclimatised I became to the consequence-free experience of the other half.
We were staying in a luxury London hotel more usually populated by celebrities, royalty and the very rich.
Everywhere we went my friend and I were greeted by name, which raised the question of how they knew. Is one's photo taken by stealth at check-in and the mugshots circulated to staff?
Why, went the other question, was I being incorrectly addressed as Ms Stewart and not Lady Catriona?
We were late to brunch and then we were late the following day to breakfast and on both occasions, despite it being entirely our own fault and having no excuse, we were accommodated and treated as though, somehow, the restaurant was in the wrong.
Top hats and Champagne for two Coatbridge girls in London luxury
Everything was beautiful and perfect and happened with great ease, and we were treated as though we were beautiful and perfect. It quickly became apparent that if I had enough money to live consequence free - even in this tiny regard - I would take full advantage.
Point being, I might like to scoff at nonagenarian billionaire Rupert Murdoch and his engagement announcement but who's to say I wouldn't accrue five husbands if only I had the wherewithal to pay for them and the inclination to marry in the first place.
Murdoch's comments on the happy news of his newest nuptials - putting Boris Johnson to shame here too - included a line about how happy he and his new bride, 66, are to find love in the second half of their lives.
On reflection. I'm not sure there's enough money in the world to give me the moxie to think I might arrive at the impressive age of 92 and think I was merely half done. But good on the old boy for having enough esprit de corps to feel he's got another century in him.
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At his last marriage, to the model Jerry Hall, also 66, Murdoch is reported to have celebrated by quitting Twitter, which is somewhat a non sequitur but also about as much as you might be able to manage in your 80s after a rapid romance with a woman decades your junior.
He was, at that time, the self-declared "happiest man in the world". I wonder, on the fifth go-round, how one persuades one's better half that, no, actually, really, THIS is the happiest you've ever been. Or does the truth hang silently but densely in the air, making everything just that little bit awkward?
He was nervous, Murdoch has been quoted as saying, about falling in love again but, reader, he's marrying again. It there another truth hanging in the air?
Gwyneth Paltrow, another woman I'm quite sure is used to luxury hotels and exemplary treatment, was accused of recording a particularly eyebrow raising wellness podcast recently just to deflect attention from a lawsuit.
It is a scandal that I, Boris, had to face the privileges committee
The theory goes that she gave an interview focused on subsisting purely on bone broth and sprouted gruel, or some such, purely to divert the headlines from her testimony in a civil suit, which sees Paltrow sued for skiing into the back of a chap.
Paltrow's cross-examination has been a gruesome watch because one of the lawyers involved clearly can't believe her luck to be in the presence of greatness and keeps simpering compliments at the actress.
Sadly for Paltrow, if the gruel podcast was a ruse, it's failed. Press coverage of the court case is comprehensive and so she has been made to look daft twice over.
Which brings us back to Murdoch. The gent is facing his own courtroom drama: a libel trial against Fox News for airing claims that the 2020 US election had been stolen from Donald Trump.
Everyone loves a wedding and who could be so mean spirited as to criticise a happy couple? If a fifth marriage is a PR move for Murdoch then it's a far bolder gamble than detailing a dodgy diet. Jerry Hall took him for a fair chunk of money and property; it's likely the new lassie will too, should the union end in divorce.
But I'm a cynic - it's plausible this is a diversion tactic, distracting from bad news with... good? Is a fifth wedding at 92 good news? Well, it is if you're a man.
Imagine the headlines if a 92-year-old woman announced a fifth marriage to a man nearly three decades her junior, and the headlines in Murdoch's papers especially. Well, the rich will do what they want and rich men in particular.
Congratulations on the happy news. One imagines the gift list will be short. Thee's little a billionaire needs to be bought, other than a little good publicity.
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