A Last Journey by Ann Burnett (Ladybug, £10.99)
Only three years separated Bill Burnett’s 2019 dementia diagnosis from his death, and A Last Journey is, at least partly, a way for his widow, Ann, to preserve her memories of that harrowing time.
Having looked after my father in his final year, I can attest to how quickly those memories can fade. Focusing on the now, trying to keep on top of an ever-changing situation, developing routines only to revise them a few weeks later – without keeping a diary, it can be a shock to look back on all the bedtime routines, the doling out of medication, liquidising of meals, sourcing of commodes and so on, and see little more than a blur.
Ann has had the advantage of transcripts of her conversations with Dr Marianne Cranwell, a PhD student who met with her over a six-month period while researching her doctorate, in which she expressed her thoughts and feelings about the all-consuming process of caring for her ailing husband in real time. In these excerpts, details that get forgotten or smoothed out over time are still sharp, and feelings are raw.
One of the first things Ann learned was that there are around 200 types of dementia, of which Alzheimer’s is just one. The variety that affected Bill was Lewy Body Dementia, a very physical form which rapidly affected his abilities to swallow, speak, stand and even sit comfortably, a cruel fate for a sporty man who ran marathons and won medals for 5k and 10k runs. To look past the disease and honour the person, she gives us a condensed history of their early years together, showing how active and adventurous a couple they were.
She shares her reminiscences of the young Scottish newlyweds in 1969, taking up teaching positions in Canada, where they made the most of the opportunity to explore an exciting new land before taking off in 1971 to live in Australia for four years. They seem not to have wasted a moment in Australia either, sleeping out in the bush and joining friends on a voyage to map the Murray river.
She recounts how they found themselves stranded in Kenya, hanging out with Masai while waiting for the AA to show up and fix their vehicle. They were lucky to have these experiences as a young couple, and the memories they stored up are a poignant counterpoint to Bill’s later decline.
With Ann being an experienced writer across several disciplines, her book is both instructive about the realities of looking after a partner with dementia and a source of insight into how becoming a carer affects a spouse and their sense of self.
She details the frustrations of dealing with social work, the lack of communication between different departments and the redundant testing Bill had to undergo, as well as the impact of the restrictions imposed during lockdown.
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But on a more personal level she expresses the complex mixture of emotions that arose, from feeling that she had somehow betrayed Bill by recommending he see his GP in the first place to the guilt that descended when a respite week allowed her some time for herself, and the way that the constant stream of professionals passing through made her feel like the “landlady or manager” of her own home.
For those who have never cared for a dying partner or family member, A Last Journey should be required reading if they’re to understand the magnitude of the work, commitment and emotional stress involved. Those who have will find much in this valuable memoir that they can recognise and identify with.
Alastair Mabbott
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