As he paddled his sea kayak around Scotland’s coast, Nick Ray gave his many social media followers a glimpse of beautiful places up close and from the water’s edge.
His photographs and short videos showed spectacular views of west coast sunsets, cascading cliffside waterfalls, dark caves and wildlife – cormorants and seals, dolphins and otters – as the waves lapped calmly against his sea kayak and the breeze whistled by.
But when Nick’s year-long round Scotland kayak journey reached its end, dark clouds loomed overhead.
Eventually his social media and blog updates posts documented a more troubled journey, with scenes from Nick’s bed in a locked psychiatric ward and his open, honest and worrying updates of wrestling with feelings of self-loathing, depression and suicide.
“I’d completed this incredible journey around Scotland, and everything was going well for me,” recalls Nick. “I was enjoying being at home, and I was really pleased to have accomplished what I had.
“It was the week after Christmas and the gloom began to deepen. I tried to fight it, but it got deeper and deeper.”
Eventually Nick, known to his 110,000 plus followers on X/Twitter as @LifeAfloat, for his passion for the outdoors and his hard-fought battles with depression, no longer felt an urge to go outside.
“I lost my ability to even go kayaking or find any enjoyment in doing things that are good for me,” he says.
“I was thinking about suicide. I made a plan. I realised that was when I needed to make contact with my GP and with mental health services.”
It led to seven weeks in hospital and days he describes as the worst he’d ever experienced.
Some of it was documented on his social media and blog, including one post in February in which he described himself as “as a functioning depressionista. A man who gets by with an outward countenance of normality.”
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Being in a locked hospital ward sounds torturous for someone so associated with the great outdoors. Instead, the routines and the care of the NHS brought stability and comfort: “I felt a sense of safety. I no longer had to worry about keeping myself safe,” he explains.
“I could concentrate on my recovery and no longer have to fight the urge to complete my suicide.
“For first few weeks I just sink into the routine of hospital. It’s really hard because the illness is so awful, you’re in the midst of it and that sense of isolation and self-loathing is horrendous.
“Then you come through. As recovery takes root, you begin to realise the thoughts aren’t permanent. There’s another way of thinking and living.
“You begin to think about life beyond the ward.”
He left hospital four weeks ago with his journey home to the Isle of Mull accompanied by a photograph showing him fresh from the barber’s in Oban. Gradually others followed showing him enjoying the outdoors, walking with his dog, Jess, and, eventually, paddling his kayak.
“I’m finding myself again,” he wrote.
Now, he’s found a new challenge to focus on. Beginning on the New Year’s Day, he’ll embark on a remarkable adventure that will take him to all four corners of mainland Scotland.
His sea kayak will be left behind. Instead, he will be tackling the 1000 miles route with his feet firmly – for most of the time, at least – on the ground.
Leaving from the mainland’s most southerly point, Mull of Galloway, he intends to walk solo to the most northerly point, Dunnett Head.
On the way, he’ll go via the most easterly point at Keith Inch, Peterhead, the westerly point at Corrachadh Mòr on the Ardnamurchan Peninsula and take in the centre of mainland Scotland, a point close to the eastern foot of the mountain of Schiehallion.
He intends to travel off the beaten track, trudging across the soggy landscape of Rannoch Moor and the Flow Country, climbing hills, camping as he goes with everything he needs on his back.
Among his essentials will be a lightweight paraglider. Having become known for his travels on the water’s surface, part of his next adventure will be a bird’s eye view.
Although he has planned route and no set time to complete his adventure, he expects to spend the midst of winter camping out somewhere in the deep freeze of the Cairngorms.
“Having paddled around Scotland twice, I want to explore on foot,” he explains. “It struck me that I could walk to four corners of the mainland Scotland and enjoy a bit of a challenge.
“It will be quite demanding but not impossible.”
The journey, much of it planned from his hospital bed, will provide the launch pad for another new venture: a new charitable foundation to support people in their 50s and older who want to enjoy the outdoors but might never have yet had the chance.
It's hoped it will provide small grants to help people buy essentials such as a first pair of hiking boots, or to take part in an outdoor course - enough to help them start to discover the benefits of being outside and of challenging themselves.
“There’s a lot of provision for young people but I’ve not really seen a huge amount specifically for people of that older age group,” says Nick.
“I remember thinking when I turned 50 that I now had permission to begin to enjoy life. I didn’t have to follow the career path, I was able to be more carefree.
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“I have a lot of people who followed me through my kayaking who say, ‘I wish I could do something like you’ve done’, and that they’d thought of doing it but might not have had the confidence or felt ready.
“They’re might be retired and are saying they’d like to do it but not sure where to start.
“Now I’m 60, and I want to enjoy being 60 by still having adventures.
“If I can inspire people who are a similar age to me to maybe do things that are different or take themselves out of their comfort zones so they benefit too, it would be my way of offering something back.”
Originally from Zimbabwe, Nick worked as an Outward Bound instructor in Africa and in the UK before moving to Scotland 20 years ago with his wife Karen.
His mental health deteriorated in 2019 which led to an attempt to take his life. Having recovered, he set off in August 2022, on his 59th birthday, for his Life Afloat Scotland sea kayak tour by sea kayak, hoping it would help him and others experiencing mental health struggles.
His beautiful photographs and videos from the water’s edge racked up tens of thousands of followers who followed him from Tobermory, paddling amid spectacular west coast scenery and exploring Loch Etive, Loch Hourn and Loch Torridon.
His journey – dictated by the wind, the weather and determination to take in as much of the coastline as he could – spanned the wild beauty of Cape Wrath, and the east coast from Wick in Caithness to Brora in Sutherland, Fraserburgh onwards along the Fife coast and the Firth of Forth.
It wasn’t all rugged beauty and dramatic seascapes. He paddled beneath the Forth Bridge with trains rattling overhead, and along the Forth and Clyde Canal via the Falkirk Wheel which he described as “oasis of nature and calmness”.
He camped solo but often encountered unexpected acts of kindness from strangers who’d share supplies and company.
His new Four Corners Expedition will follow a similar relaxed approach, dictated by weather and how he feels on the day.
An experienced mountaineer and backpacker, he plans to spend nights in a waterproof ‘bivvy bag’ with a light tarpaulin held up by his walking poles for a shelter, while his kayaking skills will help keep essentials dry.
Should conditions allow, he hopes to climb to certain high points, leap and use the lightweight paraglider he plans to carry with him, to glide to the ground below.
“For me and my mental health, it’s so important to have these experiences,” he adds.
“I’m 60 and upwards now and I’m still growing and understanding myself better through my outdoor adventures.
“Nature doesn’t judge. You can be who you want to be or how you really are.
“When out in the kayak or out on the hills, I’m who I am. That’s why I think it’s so helpful for me to do these things.
“The decisions I make are made by me, the rewards are there to be enjoyed as well as the challenges. It’s not always easy but for me that’s also a positive.
“Life is good,” he adds. “My depression means it can be a challenge, but there is a lot to be thankful for.”
Follow Nick's journey here
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