As teenagers across Scotland can testify, if you have a party in someone else’s house there’s always the chance someone’s parents turn up and unceremoniously boot you out.

When it comes to international football Germany are arguably the daddy of them all, what with their four World Cups and three European Championships, and when the action finally began on Friday night it didn’t take Julian Nagelsmann’s side long to turn the lights on and shut the music off.

It had all started so well, the kind of party on foreign soil for which Scotland fans are so renowned but had been denied – in major tournament terms at least – since 1998.

‘Scotland fans drink Munich dry!’ was the headline in tabloid Bild on Friday morning, as the Tartan Army enacted a bloodless takeover of the ancient Bavarian capital on the eve of the game.

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If there were a few sore heads the next day it didn’t show, with Munich again dominated by kilts and glengarry hats. The official UEFA fan zone didn’t even open until 1pm local time, a full eight hours before the match, but by 11.30 there was a large congregation of Scotland fans lounging around the slopes of Olympiapark, the trucks thundering along Bundesstraße 2 R below access bridge giving the occasional honk of appreciation to the kilted men and women arriving at the vast complex.

The queues for the bars are gargantuan, the one for the lángos truck less so, the Tartan Army seemingly more sceptical of the Hungarian deep fried treat than one might imagine from a nation which gave the world battered pizza.

A Tartan Army footsoldier contemplates Hungarian delicaciesA Tartan Army footsoldier contemplates Hungarian delicacies (Image: Newsquest)

As the afternoon wears on the sun comes out, meaning the assembled Scots not only get increasingly lubricated but also, in many cases, begin to turn an alarming shade of red in full ‘taps aff’ mode. Quite what the Germans make of all this we dare not ask.

A penny for the thoughts, too, of the two hosts from Germany’s biggest radio station who come on stage to record a link but can’t convince the thronging crowd to stop singing the John McGinn song.

“He’s Stevie Clarke’s man! He’s better than Zidane!” they bellow as the young woman on the stage literally begs them to be quiet. It’s only going to get noisier from here.

A succession of musical acts got the crowd warmed up, though it must be said they hardly needed it. Many had come to the Olympiapark pre-prepared with industrial qualities of German lager purchased at supermarkets on the way.

One fan tells The Herald they bought 40 bottles of Bavaria’s finest in preparation for the day ahead, only to be told at the entrance that glass bottles were not allowed. We’ll refrain from any German stereotypes today, as it would appear ungracious, but it appears the one about Scotsmen being hard to separate from their money and harder to separate from the bevvy is true – the beer was simply decanted into a dozen plastic bottles and carried inside, some of them to be sold at prices undercutting the €6.50 (plus plastic cup deposit) being charged at the kiosks.

The problem, of course, with following Scotland at a major tournament is that at some point the actual football has to be played.

As the hours tick down toward kick-off the anticipation builds, a healthy contingent of German fans joining as the day goes on and being welcomed with open arms by the Tartan Army who are by this point what the Germans would call über-pißed.

Some, further entrenching the twin Scottish stereotypes have taken to collecting the €3 reusable cups in wobbling towers to obtain free beer. You do have to feel for the bar staff.

Scotland gets a deposit return schemeScotland gets a deposit return scheme (Image: Newsquest)

There’s good-natured booing when the German team is read out, throaty cheers for the Scottish one, and a throaty – if not necessarily in time – rendition of Flower of Scotland. Near the back of the arena some of Munich’s finest perch on their fire truck to watch the game, a Scottish fan relieving himself against a nearby tree declares he’s “just draining ma firehose, lads”.

Bavarian firemen get a great view of the gameBavarian firemen get a great view of the game (Image: Newsquest)

And then it kicks off. Germany move the ball around purposely, goalkeeper Angus Gunn denies a goal in the first few minutes with his face. There’s a notable shift in the mood as thousands of Scots collectively say, “ah, yeah… these lot are quite good aren’t they?”.

Some enterprising passing moves in midfield and some well-timed defensive interventions from the Scots raise some cheers but it’s clear how this is going. The Germans are going through the gears, the engine revving ever harder. Vorsprung durch tactics.

Eventually Florian Wirtz finds space on the edge of the box and fires a low shot through the crowd with which Gunn could perhaps deal better. The huge crowd watching the big screen is illuminated by the glow of red and yellow flares, German flags fly. Party’s over lads.

Germany celebrate taking a 2-0 leadGermany celebrate taking a 2-0 lead (Image: Newsquest)

Jamal Musiale makes it two a move featuring an Ilkay Gundogan turn so filthy even specialist German cinemas might not show it. Scotland go down to 10 men, Ryan Porteous receiving his marching orders, which is right in a football sense but just seems a bit unfair given it’s already 2-0 and we’d all been having such a nice time. That’s the thing with referees, they just don’t understand vibes. Kai Havertz steps up and scores the penalty, because of course he does.

The bars begin to fill up again – though not 100 deep as previously – and it’s both sets of fans heading for refreshments. The Germans know it’s over too, they’re not even pretending they don’t.

They don’t let up much in the second half either, Niclas Füllkrug smashing home a fourth as the Scots begin to shuffle toward the exits. Nagelsmann brings on Thomas Müller because he’s a very cruel man, a fifth is disallowed for offside.

There is one brief moment of cheer, as Scotland do eventually get on the board - albeit for a freak own goal off the head of German defender Antonio Rüdiger which is met with an ironic chant of: "you're not singing anymore". If you didn't laugh, and all that. Germany then add a fifth just for our cheek.

It’s been a feature of the Scotland experience so far that relations have been almost exclusively cordial despite the heroic quantities of drink having been taken and, in Olympiapark at least, it’s the same when the whistle blows. There’s nothing to be angry about really, we’ve been skelped about by a far better team – one that almost always turns up when it’s tournament time – and there are two games to go and many pints to be drunk.

The future holds a trip to Cologne to play Switzerland and surely we’ve got more of a chance against them? Then there’s Hungary in Stuttgart, we can express our scepticism about their lángos in person – deep frying something without covering it in batter first? That’s amateur hour, lads.

In the meantime the Tartan Army heads back to the bier halles of Munich to drown their sorrows, possibly taking the time to post that Trainspotting meme on social media on the way.

As these fans have had it for the better past of the last week on these Bavarian streets: no Scotland, no party. Unfortunately it turns out playing Germany is no party.