THE BIB Gourmand is a badge of honour in the culinary world, handed out by the Michelin Guide to restaurants on the way up, the Bib Pho on the other hand is a badge of shame; handed out to fat food critics on the way down. Or at least on the way to splattering themselves whilst drooling their Beef Brisket and noodles in downtown chain restaurants.
The one the waitress has just given me is NHS blue, the same colour and texture as those masks we had to wear in the pandemic, but I unwrap mine with gratitude. Because I know if I don’t, my shirt and tie and probably my whole fat face will look like a grenade suddenly went off right in the middle of this enormous oily, soupy concoction.
As I unfold and squeeze it over my head I look around this restaurant slap bang in the middle of Glasgow’s bustling (tonight anyway) downtown vibe hoping to catch the eye of fellow bib wearers for a sympathetic nod. Maybe those Americans over there?
It’s busy alright but: sigh. I’m the only person actually wearing one. Fast forward five minutes and the bib’s plasticised texture means that every single mouthful from the giant bamboo ladle has been accompanied by a corner of bib springing cunningly into my mouth.
Read Ron's review two whole days before it appears anywhere else.
Considering the restaurant’s Nintendo Gameboy emulating soundtrack (right now William Onyeabor When The Going is Good) I feel like I’m in a manic manga movie. I adjust the bib’s under-crackers. I abandon the ladle. I discard those chopsticks too. I ask, oh the shame of this, for a fork and spoon.
I now eat my Pho like an Italian bambino. Coiling the noodles with my fork, in the very bowl of my spoon. Dipping it all into the broth. It works.
I have had Pho before and frankly: never really gave a damn. This though…in a chain restaurant of all places? Well, the brisket is very finely sliced, almost melty; I added mint, coriander, beansprouts from the side dish. Dolloped in some hot chill shrimp paste, a spoonful from the table’s chilli oil jar too.
The noodles are long, light and flavoured by the broth, fairly quickly eaten. The beef is good too. I pause though.
Distracted. Time to try the separate dish of Vermicelli Rice Noodles I also ordered with something called This Isn’t Chicken. I know on the first mouthful it isn’t chicken, because actual chicken hasn’t tasted like chicken for about 40 years.
And this does taste like chicken. Unfortunately, it looks like geometric chunks of waxy cardboard, and even though I drape the lot with Nuoc Cham, mix in crushed peanuts and kinda enjoy the bits that aren’t fake-chicken I find myself drawn back to that Pho.
If you’ve ever had Pho you’ll know it’s always accompanied by a lot of mince about the broth. Not in here. They barely mention it. Yet, it’s excellent. Flavoured with star anise, pineapple juice too and actual rich beef flavours (I asked the waitress).
I pretty much finish it. I have no idea how they made this (menu has no detail) but even if just involved an extra half-dozen stock cubes it still really works.
I realise two things in this meal. 1) it’s actually stealth health. I started with Spicy Salad Rolls. Imagine a bunch of those long thin, currently ubiquitous, Enoki Mushrooms, plus coriander, chilli and mint, wrapped in what looks like Pak Choi then tied with ribbons of carrot. It’s super fresh tasting, has fire and dunked in the peanut sauce? Not bad at all. Though maybe the carrot ribbon ties could look a bit fresher.
And 2) the food in here is almost all gluten free (okay I read this on a card at the table). I’m guessing that gluten-free does not include the Seafood Spring rolls. These look like no spring rolls I’ve ever eaten being: square, thick, slabby and biscuitty in appearance but they’re stuffed with prawn and crab and pork and all eaten. Pho then? Chain restaurant or not. A pleasant surprise.
Pho Glasgow
25 Renfield Street, Glasgow, Tel: 0141 479-0212
Open: seven days
Menu: Vietnamese obviously, no real surprises there, big bowls, fresh ingredients on the side to add flavour, everything made in Glasgow they promise, even though it’s part of a national chain. 3
Service: They’re efficient, friendly when you need help, and food came at reasonable intervals. 4
Price: The salad rolls were £6.50, the seafood ones £7.20, that meal-for-two sized Pho with brisket and chilli was £13.50. Overall it was reasonable. 4
Atmosphere: it’s kind of wooden booths and giant woven balloons for decor with some banging tunes on a bright city centre corner. My table was tiny but otherwise okay. 3
Food: The broth in the Beef Brisket Pho was punchily flavoured, sweet with star anise, yet not too sweet. Dunno how they made it but I thought it was very good. Low fat, low calorie, plus gluten-free dishes abound here and they don’t even tirelessly bluster on about it. 8
22/30
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