There’s our market menu, says the waitress, a nice lady who takes my dead phone off to charge it, and there’s the evening menu.

As I’m already now logging on to their free Wi-Fi, it brings me straight to Instagram curiously, and the phone is currently getting their free juice. I, of course, don’t mention that I may have never actually seen a market menu that involved anyone from a Scottish restaurant ever going near an actual, like real, market.

In the circumstances, that would be rude. Anyway Englishman in New York is on the (good) sound system, Pepsi Cola – don’t see that much these days – on the table, and I’m in, say, the fourth or fifth of the very high-backed green leather booths.

Why this particular booth, I had asked as I was led past the first four empty ones to get here: “It’s got a window,” comes the reply. So it has. Looking down over West Campbell Street too. Thoughtful, I think, and a refreshing reversal of the usual empty restaurant approach which is to put dafty walk-ins like me at the very worst table beside the front door/kitchen/toilet.

Now, it turns out Joe, who has just rocked up, has been here already. Last night.

Sheesh. Had Chicken Supreme, he confides, and thought it was pricey at £24. No kidding, I reply, having already struggled to find a starter under a tenner. Squash soup is at an entertaining £8, salt baked beetroot with goat’s cheese is £9, scallops are £16, and octopus squirming under that bar at an – ahem – mere £15.

The thing is, Göst here is one of those decadently designed places – heavy, somnolent furniture, rich dark colours, thick fat leather – so you kinda know it’s going to be dark-side pricing before even opening the menu.

Moving on: there’s a bit of banter with the waiting staff over how soup can be eight bangers per bowl yet truffle, chive and bone marrow croquettes from the snack menu are only £2.50. Answer: you just get one. Ah.

It’s ordered. So is the beetroot, followed by a whoa Nelly moment over the steaks. A 300g ribeye is £39; “premium cuts” are at very much more premium prices, then I spot a Denver steak in the poor man’s price range at £22. It’s ordered. I have no shame.

On top of that, a Mangalitza pork chop and a double crust Göst burger at £17. After all this mumping and grumping about prices you’ll be expecting me to give the food a shoeing, won’t you? Well, the beetroot starter is not only on just about every menu on Planet Food already but this is a poor version, just a collection of forgettable ingredients at different cool temperatures not in any way gelling.

The £2.50 croquette is hot, background meaty, and definitely tipping the scales at OK. But just the one? Seriously? However, and this is a stop-the-bus moment – the burger is actually really good. The bun is toasted down to a crispness in parts, the burger patties held to the hot plate long enough to give them texture and flavour and if I don’t much like the beery, yeasty, guck they have put on it, that’s purely a personal thing. The Denver steak too. Seared? Absolutely.

Is it a decent sinew and blub-free cut? Ditto. Slicing perfectly into satisfying strips? That’s a yes, too. And flavour? At £22 with the formula skinny chips thrown in, it’s reasonable value. We dip those fries into the included pot of garlic butter and pour some over the pork chop too.

I was asked how I would like my chop cooked. Hmm, shouldn’t the kitchen have already identified the best way to treat this, chops not being like steaks? I opted for medium rare and frankly? It wasn’t. It was, however, at 300g on the bone perfectly pleasant, just a little bit tough, as pretty much all restaurant chops are unless sous-vided first. But nicely caramelised.

I would not spend £28 on one again, even though compared to Heston Blumenthal’s £56 version at his three Michelin-starred Dinner restaurant in London, this could be viewed (maybe) as something of a bargain. It’s just not special enough for the money.

An accusation that could be levelled at Göst? Definitely.

GÖST
77 Bothwell Street
Glasgow
Tel: 0141-243 2162
Open seven days

Menu: Formulaic, meaty, steaky menu with a variety of starters including beetroot, scallops, oysters yadayada fish n’chips and chicken supreme available too. 3/5

Atmosphere: Comfortable, mellow. They’ve created a fairly high rent decadent and intimate feel to the place which unsurprisingly goes with the prices. 4/5

Service: No complaints, the waitress directed a random walk-in like me to possibly the best table, the staff were chilled and professional. 5/5

Price: Very subjective as always, but they’ve set the price bar so high you do kinda wonder why they fire out indentikit low rent skinny fries and so-so sauces. Feels too formulaic for the prices. 2/5

Food: We plumped for by far the cheapest steak on the menu and it was good, the beetroot and croquette so-so, the chop didn’t live up to £28, but they can do a decent if pricey burger. 6/10

20/30