David Albury
I AM the real Santa Claus. I know all Santas say this, but the marvels of time travel means Santa can be everywhere at once. That is the magic of Christmas.
When the children come into Santa's grotto, you never know how they will react. Some can be over-excited and won't stop talking – meaning you can't get a word in edgeways – while others are tongue-tied and a bit starstruck. Then there are those who are terror-stricken: we sometimes forget Santa is a weird-looking character with his huge white, bushy beard.
The biggest challenges are the children who won't talk at all – or those who won't shut up. The queue starts growing outside the grotto and you don't want to be rude to the child, but sometimes need to ask one of the elves to quickly bring a present over to keep things moving along. It is rare you get a non-believer. Some of the older kids can be cynical but ultimately, they do believe.
There are children who arrive with a note from their parents asking that I tell them they need to behave and do what mummy or daddy tells them otherwise they won't get any presents. Most of the gift requests tend to be quite standard – Disney's Frozen has been popular the last few years – but I have had one or two asking for a pony. You can see their parents thinking: "Oh my God …"
I was caught out a few years back when a child came in asking for toys from The Avengers. Being a certain age myself I immediately thought of John Steed, Emma Peel, Catherine Gale and Tara King. I started reminiscing about The Avengers as I knew them from the 1960s and 70s. The child was looking at me quite puzzled. Afterwards one of the younger elves took me aside and explained: "The Avengers these days are Iron Man, The Hulk and Black Widow, they are superheroes …"
When I am not surrounded by elves, I run pub quizzes. My circuit is The Bailie Bar, The Cumberland Bar, The Antiquary Bar and the West End Hotel in Edinburgh. I do support actor work for college and university drama and film departments when they need a mature person. When I started off, I was playing the juvenile lead, then the father and these days it is grandfather roles I get.
My first part as an extra was in Oscar-winning film Chariots of Fire. I was initially in some crowd scenes but coincidentally I happened to be wearing a flowing 1920s coat with the cutaway collar – I like wearing funny clothing – and so they asked me to be a vicar. Ian Charleson is preaching from the pulpit as Eric Liddell and I'm sitting below him.
This is my third year hosting the Santa Breakfast at the Bridge Inn in Ratho. It is a slightly different format from the traditional grotto. One of the things we do is that I will sit on my throne while the children sing songs. When Santa Got Stuck Up The Chimney is always a popular one. It seems to amuse them.
How do I spend Christmas Day? I like to relax while watching DVDs or films on television. Mince pies are a favourite to eat. I love a traditional dinner with turkey, roast potatoes and Brussels sprouts. It is the one day of the year I don't work because as Santa Claus my job is done on Christmas Eve.
- READ MORE: Christmas TV special – Gruffalo author Julia Donaldson on the BBC adaptation of her children's book Zog
- READ MORE: Christmas TV special – Miles Jupp on BBC's Watership Down
The Santa Breakfast takes place at the Bridge Inn in Ratho today, tomorrow and Christmas Eve with two sittings daily at 9.30am and 11am. Call 0131 333 1320 or email: info@bridgeinn.com
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