At the start of The Wrong Trousers, Nick Park's second Wallace And Gromit film, the half of the plasticine pair that doesn't eat Wensleydale-flavoured Chappie for breakfast gets tipped out of bed and dressed by his own Heath Robinson contraptions. If memory serves, these include a trapdoor, a couple of telescoping metal arms and a clockwork valet that might once have been a vacuum cleaner.
That was how you did mechanised dressing back in 1993. These days we have algorithms and inventions like Dextrous Blue which, though it sounds like a particularly nasty celebrity perfume, is actually a robot. Built by scientists at Glasgow University and unveiled earlier this year, it can pick up and fold clothes, two skills I wish my children had learned.
I've yet to meet Dextrous Blue, but I have recently encountered an algorithm which has the ability to clothe me. At least I think she's an algorithm: officially she goes by the name Brooke and she's a stylist with Thread, a new free online service which selects a potential wardrobe for its users based on their preferences and a photo.
So how does it work? Basically you're presented with a series of images of well-dressed chaps and you tick whichever looks you like. You also tick off items you already own and list your sartorial preferences. Then you wait a week and – Cracking timing, Gromit! – just when you've forgotten all about it, Brooke drops you an email leading you to her final selection. So, because I don't like large logos she's picked a pair of plain, black sneakers by a company called Buterro Tanino (never heard of them, but the shoes are rather nice, if a little pricey at £195). And because I said I liked Oliver Spencer, she's chosen a slim fit navy blazer in pique jersey from Asos. She has also added pictures of what I could wear with these items based on what I've told her I already own and some other things she'd like me to buy from Thread's commercial partners.
According to co-founder Kieran O’Neill, Thread was born "from a desire to make it easier for men to feel confident about the way they dress, without investing loads of time shopping or learning about clothes."
I'm not sure that's a commendable aim, to be honest, but if we're all going to be dressed by machines in the future, it's probably safer to do it his way than trust our lives to trapdoors and cannibalized Hoovers.
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