Poor David Cameron appeared to have swapped his razor-edged rapier for a battered feather duster yesterday as his carefully choreographed attack on the PM ended up as a patomime moment worthy of Widow Twanky.

Rule number one in politics is never get your facts wrong.

The Tory toff asked if MPs were value for money, which, needless to say, prompted the Labour comrades to chip in: "You're not." DC then sought to put Gordy on the spot by declaring that he believed MPs should not vote for their own pay and asked if the Prime Minister would guarantee this would be so.

Oh dear, a bit of a tactical blunder as our Britannic Majesty pointed out MPs had already agreed this, including, yes, the Tory leader himself. "Perhaps he should read the decisions made by the House," noted the PM with Labour colleagues nodding vigorously.

Gordy then, in his only reference to the rooftop protesters, declared, to more approbation from colleagues: "The message should go out today very clearly that decisions in this country should be made in the chamber of this House and not on the roof of this House."

Seeking to recover his equilibrium, Dave shamelessly thanked the PM for his guarantee on MPs' pay. Labour back benchers slapped the air in disbelief.

The Cameroon then moved on to pensions but, fumbling about in his armoury, still could not find his trusty sword and was tamely waving the feather duster Ken Dodd-style at a confident Gordy.

With the comrades still barracking him, Dave suggested closing MPs' generous final salary schemes. GB, realising he had not extracted enough blood on Mr C's first gaffe, reminding his opponent again that MPs had voted on the pay issue. As for pensions, that too, insisted the PM, was a matter for MPs.

Dave then turned to MPs' expenses, insisting that every last jot and tittle of how honourable members spent their allowances should be made public. However, the PM said that if the Tory chief had "done his research" he would have known that he had written to the Speaker, suggesting "exactly that".

To more groans of disbelief, Mr C said: "I welcome this clarity" - but the feather duster was by now simply tickling the comrades.

The Cameroon had one last thrust of the duster left - the old standby of challenging the premier to a live face-to-face TV debate, something which Prime Ministers usually refuse because they have the most to lose. No surprise, Gordy brushed it aside.

Earlier, the shiny-haired Nick Clegg had produced his own feather duster. After his MPs walked out of the chamber over not getting their amendment accepted on the EU Bill, the LibDem leader was barracked with shouts of "bye-bye".

Gordy did not miss the open goal when, to roars of "more", he declared: "Can I say ... welcome back. I hope this time he can stay long enough to hear the answers."

To more laughter, Cleggy told MPs: "It's good to be here." But then, following the Cameroon's example, he began to dig a large hole for himself by referring to "clapped out procedures of this House". Tumult. Up creaked the stockinged Speaker, doubtless still smarting from the barbs over recent days, to tell the LibDem upstart: "Can I say to the right honourable gentleman, be careful where he goes."

The comrades energetically pointed Mr Clegg to the exit. How Gordy beamed, inwardly declaring: "Bring on the feather dusters."