The insurmountable problem with a citizenship ceremony for school-leavers is that it is disastrously un-British. The proposals to create "a sense of shared belonging in Britain" from Lord Goldsmith, the former attorney general, are alien to our way of doing things, yet they conjure up a combination of Yes, Minister and Alice in Wonderland that is such a gift to the comedy circuit that it could only be British.

At one stroke Lord Goldsmith has managed to unite truculent teenagers with their headteachers and the stalwarts of the English shires with the Scottish and Welsh Nationalists in a condemnation of trooping 16-year-olds into their local town hall (or Edinburgh Castle) to swear allegiance to the Queen and her heirs and promise to be a good citizen. Anyone who thinks today's teenagers will see such ceremonies as an inspirational rite of passage between "being a student of citizenship and becoming an active citizen" has not had a full and frank exchange of views with anyone between the ages of 12 and 25 recently. Volunteering does engage young people in their communities, but linking voluntary work to a reduction in university fees is in danger of undermining the voluntary basis of their contribution and dividing students who can afford to volunteer from those who need to work.

Gordon Brown's idea for a new British national day makes an appearance in these proposals, with Goldsmith favouring an autumn bank holiday - but steering clear of any possibly contentious historical dates would deprive it of the meaning that Bastille Day has for the French and Independence Day for the Americans. The model for Britain appears to be Australia Day, which commemorates the landing of the first fleet in 1788, but is also when awards are made to the Australians of the year. Thus, Britain would have a new honours list focusing on the achievements of ordinary citizens. Honours must be separated from political patronage if the system that has been brought into disrepute by the cash-for-peerages scandal is to survive, but there is little appetite to make yet more people members or officers of a long-lost British Empire. Linking a new sense of citizenship to an anachronistic honours system dooms it as a revitalising process.

This betrays the most deeply worrying aspect of these deliberations which Lord Goldsmith has produced as the Prime Minister's proxy: that they are so disconnected from the aspirations of the people of this country. Its citizens are most united in their support for the National Health Service, their desire for high standards in education and a respect for others. The best way to underpin those values is to teach our children an understanding of and pride in their own identity, which can include several elements (including Scottishness) within Britishness, but does not require a ceremony or certificate.