Message received?

SUNDAY school provides a sacred environment for young minds to muse on spiritual matters. Though sometimes the sacred is undermined by the sacrilegious, as we pointed out in a recent Diary tale.

Which reminds former Sunday school teacher Pearl Johnson from Langside of an occasion when she was encouraging her saintly little students to pray every night.

One student – who was perhaps not as saintly as his classmates – seemed uneasy with this suggestion.

Pearl asked what was the matter.

“Well, you just don’t know if your prayers are going to be answered, do you?” pointed out the little fellow, who then added: “That’s like going into Hamleys and giving the sales person twenty pounds, and not even knowing if you’ll get a toy in return.”

Mind your language

WE mentioned the 96-year-old mother of Janice Taylor from Carluke who has a theory that, when in doubt, it’s better to say something rather than nothing.

This has led to quite a few linguistic faux pas over the years, such as one memorable occasion when she referred to a flimsy gazebo, which had blown away in a strong wind, as, “that gestapo thing.”

Morbid mag

OUR gloomy readers are discussing a magazine specialising in the undertaking trade, called Casket and Sunnyside, which went out of business years ago.

We’re now eager to know what led to its demise.

Rhona Hill from Motherwell says: “Maybe it was outperformed by another mag. In other words, it couldn’t handle the stiff competition.”

Dry humour

WE mentioned the popular sporting pursuit that is crown green bowls. Reader Gordon Murray once took his grandson to his local club, though the youngster was not impressed.

“How can you call it bowls when there’s no skittles?” he grumped. “That’s like swimming without water.”

Season’s greetings

A USEFUL tip from reader Lloyd Cunningham, who tells us: “If somebody asks if you have plans for the fall, you’re probably chatting to an American who meant to say ‘autumn’. It’s very unlikely that the person’s talking about the imminent collapse of Western civilization.”

Animal magic

WE continue improving the names of notable people by providing them with monikers from the canine world. Barking mad Barrie Crawford has a wizard idea, and suggests an author of fantasy Fido fiction called… J. K. Growling.

Terrifying tipplers

A GHOULISH gag for this spookiest of seasons. “Every Hallowe’en I work in a bar serving spirits,” says reader Keith Munro. “You could say I’m employed in seasonal ghost-pitality.”