Yay, it isn’t just me! A Fiat survey found nearly half of drivers have a phobia about parallel parking, and avoid the manoeuvre “at all costs”, driving up to 0.8 miles away to avoid it. That’s me! Mind you, where I learned, the instruction was: “See if you can get it in there, between the cow and the sea.”

Praise be!
One in five citizens is now scared to give compliments in case they cause offence. This research was by malt loaf brand Soreen, whose marketing director said: “Often, people worry the compliment will be misconstrued.” Say nothing about anything, folks. In the super-sensitive era, it’s just not worth it.

Ask for the Moon
As a Celtic person tortured by the Sun, maybe I ought to consider “moonbathing”. It’s the latest thing and practised by Kate Moss, who charges her crystals by moonlight. I see. The lunar rays allegedly cure hives, rashes and migraines, as well as soothing excess heat and anger. Do they, aye?

Sunburned
At least the Moon isn’t as bad as the Sun, which will destroy us all. According to boffins at Bristol Yoonie, extreme heat will not only blooter us, but fuse continents together into one inhospitable supercontinent. However, this won’t happen for another 250 million years, by which time we’ll have nuked ourselves silly anyway.

Now you nose
We’ve to tape up our mooths at night now. Former Countryfile presenter Julia Brewster and footer star Erling Haaland do it because breathing through your mouth causes asthma, tooth decay, gum inflammation, sleep apnoea, and jaw abnormalities. Nasal breathing is best. Same with food: better for your teeth if you shove it up your nose.

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