A traveller’s tale
SUSAN, the daughter of Bert Peattie from Kirkcaldy, was in a long and winding queue at Heathrow Airport, heading for check-in desks 40 to 43.
When she got to the front, the lady behind her said: "Oh, I'm in the wrong queue! My desk is 39."
"No problem," said Susan, and stood aside, allowing the agitated woman to cross the short space to the adjacent desk.
"Thank you," said the lady.
"That’s okay," said Susan. "All roads lead to Damascus."
Cue further panic.
"Oh my God,” said the woman, “I'm not going to Damascus."
Edgy education
WEST END-based author Deedee Cuddihy was strolling across Kelvinbridge a few days ago and almost bumped into two young women standing there who appeared to be students.
One of them was apparently showing the other around the local area, and was saying in a very wise tone of voice: "See that pointy thing over there? That's the university."
Love… actually?
EXCELLENT marriage advice from reader Olivia Sinclair, who says: “My husband and I have discovered the secret to forging a lasting relationship. Twice a week we go to a fancy restaurant and order a little wine and good food. He goes Tuesdays and I go Thursdays.”
Another traveller’s tale
JAUNTILY-JAUNTING reader Bill Cassidy found himself in Portugal recently. A local gent noticed his accent and said: "Are you from Scotland?"
Bill confirmed that, indeed, he was.
The Portuguese chap followed up by enquiring: "What part?"
"All of me," said Bill.
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The name game
WE continue celebrating unusually-named football teams. A Fife reader recalls working in the office of Dundee-based girls’ comic, Diana, back in the early 1960s, where it was decided to form a women’s footy team.
“We named ourselves the Cheery Chicks,” she says, “and our first game was against a women's team from Dundee's Timex factory... the Timex Tickers."
Bloodthirsty birdy
THE Diary is discussing the mangling of book titles.
“I worked in a big public library for many years,” says Judith McColm from Prestwick, “and the local secondary school had given a ‘home reader’ to a class of students. It was To Kill a Mockingbird. I had great difficulty keeping a straight face when a young girl asked me if we had a book called The Killer Mockingbird.”
Birthday blessing
THRILLING news for Glasgow comedian Ray Bradshaw, for yesterday he made the announcement: “I'm 35 today, which means I'm now the age people have thought I was for the last nine years.”
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