Loopy love song

THE Diary was sad to hear of the death of talented Scottish/Russian actor David McCallum.

Actually, David was entirely Scottish, though he was splendidly plausible as Soviet agent Illya Kuryakin in 1960s TV show The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

David became the most famous Russian of the decade, winning more plaudits than Yuri Gagarin, which is as it should be.

For all Yuri achieved was being the first human blasted into space.

But Illya - sorry, David - had a swish haircut, looked slick in a business suit, and was adept at defeating moustache-twirling villains.

His popularity almost reached Beatlemania levels of adulation. There was even a pop song about David - sorry, Illya - recorded by Alma Cogan. 

Titled Love Ya, Illya, it contained the memorable lyrics: “Love ya, Illya; Illya, love ya; love ya, Illya; wish, I wish, I wish, I wish… that Illya loved me.”

The Diary has not yet discovered who wrote those moving words, though we have a sneaking suspicion it wasn’t Lennon and McCartney.

 

Inventive writer

WE mentioned beatnik author Jack Kerouac, who wrote a book about the M8.

At least, we assume he did. Why else call it On the Road?

Reader Darren Reid is equally confused by Jack’s achievements, and tells us: “I always thought he invented those irritating contraptions found in pubs, where drunken louts sing along to cheesy pop songs. You know, the Kerouac-y machine.”

 

Information dump

LINGUISTICS expert Chris Robertson gets in touch to inform us: “The opposite of ‘creative block’ is idearrhoea.”

 

Fighting talk

THERE was understandable outrage in the Diary office when we learned that Glasgow has been labelled the UK’s Second Fastest Speaking City by language-learning platform Preply.

Second? Second?!

Adding insult to injury, Leicester came first. Diary spies have occasionally visited the Midlands city, and reported that the natives are tiresomely tardy when it comes to chitchat.

Words don’t trip off the tongue, they amble sedately.

Leicester is, of course, notorious for nabbing a prominent west of Scotland footy manager.

Though Glesga snatched him back, eventually.

The Diary predicts we’ll grab our fast-talking title back, too. You heard it here, first.

Or, as Glaswegians would say: “Yihearditherefirst.”

 

Reversal of fortune

“APPARENTLY we’ll be hit by Storm Agnes this week,” notes Andy Crichton from Fife. “I assume that if the wind changes direction, we’ll be hit by Storm Senga.”

 

Feline confused

“I INFORMED my pet cat I'm going to teach him to speak English,” says reader Laura Sharp. “He looked at me and said: ‘Me? How?’”