This is the story of how I came to play the clarinet. Bear with me, I appreciate that's a less than scintillating start.
At primary school I was allocated a tenor horn. We had the option of the recorder, which I played also, and a brass instrument, but there was no choice - you were just given what was currently going unused in the understocked instrument cupboard.
I wouldn't say I hated the horn but it was cumbersome and seemed, at a time when gender roles were more rigidly enforced, not girlish. To play it, the thing demanded to be embraced and one had to regularly press a little valve that freed spit to pour out and puddle at your feet.
READ MORE: It's no wonder girls are so unhappy - what will we do about it?
The other two brass students played the cornet and oh, how I wished I had arrived earlier when there was a choice to be had. Both those girls were popular and so I associated the cornet with being cool.
In first year of high school I went to the music department and asked to learn the cornet. "The clarinet?" the music teacher replied. I'd never heard of a clarinet before but I hated to contradict an adult. She produced a little box and started taking out stunted tubes, fitting them together to create a one long black and silver piece that would go on to torture my neighbours for the next six years.
I offer this as a mild example of why obedience is a poor trait to harvest in children. It makes adults' lives far easier but sees children, compliant and pliant, end up in unhappy scrapes - lighthearted or otherwise.
Obedience, as a character trait, taught or otherwise, is horribly outdated. Thankfully, British adults, according to the latest World Values Survey, which questions adults of all ages in 24 countries, no longer highly prize children merely doing as they're told. In 1990 some 40% said they cared about obedience - that figure has fallen to 12%.
Sweden and Japan value it less but otherwise we're at the bottom of the table.
Remaining constant, however, are feelings about both good manners (85% feel this is important) and not being selfish. The modern parent now values independence, hard work and imagination above the qualities described by adults 30 years ago.
Researchers believe this mirrors a trend in the UK becoming more liberal, individualistic and valuing self-expression.
The view of the importance of children being taught religious faith at home fell from 23% to just 9% while the value of teaching young people thrift - a trait that should be far more admired - fell in importance from 26% to 19%.
READ MORE: On Gillian Keegan, is it better to sit on your arse or be one?
The UK, Sweden and Japan also sit at the bottom of the table for believing children should look after elderly relatives so we're not keen on obedience at any point, it seems, cradle to grave.
The qualities we want to see in our children - an increase in imagination and a decrease in obedience - reflect where we are as a society in that we have liberalised and begun to see children as people, rather than as seen-and-not-heard short inconveniences.
But we don't want to raise selfish brats who turn into self-centred adults because, of course, there's a line between eschewing obedience and encouraging disobedience. Which is probably where encouraging selflessness and manners comes in. Like Bartleby the scrivener, one can politely decline to go alone with one's orders without causing a ruckus. (Just don't go as far as Bartleby in his fatal passive resistance: middle ground always).
A thirst for obedience is the sort of drive that makes people call for bringing back the birch or lament that kids these days are out of control.
We know now, though, that good manners are the route to good behaviour, not obedience. Today's parents still want polite, well behaved children. They just don't want rule followers and blind obsequience, they want analytical kids who can think through issues and come up with the morally correct way to proceed.
This is parental progress. Take it from someone whose default mode is compliance - it's a terrible way to live. (Yes, I still play the clarinet) I'm glad we're raising rule breakers, thoughtful ones. Society will be better for it.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel