Domestic abuse can have a serious, harmful long-term impact on a child and is one of the most common reasons for children being referred to the children’s hearing system for care and protection in Scotland. Yet some forms of domestic abuse, like coercive control, can at times be overlooked or its impact on children minimised.

Coercive control is a criminal offence in Scotland. It is a pattern of behaviour which can involve humiliation, threats and physical and psychological violence, which a person uses to gain and maintain control over their partner or ex-partner.

Living with this form of abuse can mean a child is living with constant fear, uncertainty, anxiety and stress, with an inevitable impact on their mental wellbeing. Perpetrators commonly isolate their victim and family from friends and relatives, meaning children can be cut off from natural sources of support.

The corrosive nature of the abuse can also impact on a child’s relationship with their non-abusive parent, at times when a child is at their most vulnerable. Domestic abuse is known to often start during pregnancy, or in the early months and years of a child’s life, and is increasingly understood as an attack on the mother-child relationship. Infants and toddlers, who are dependent on the availability of consistent and responsive care from primary caregivers, can suffer enormous harm where coercive controlling behaviour deliberately prevents a mother from meeting her infant’s needs. Last year the NSPCC Helpline responded to 4,412 contacts from adults across the UK whose main concern was about children experiencing domestic abuse, with 1,359 contacts that specifically mentioned coercive and controlling behaviour.

Meanwhile, Childline delivered 1,096 counselling sessions with children and young people from across the UK whose main concern was domestic abuse. In 221 counselling sessions, children mentioned concerns about coercive and controlling behaviour.

The new analysis, which was supported by the Covid-19 support fund, shows that an average of 131 concerns about domestic abuse were raised by adults and young people each month through the NSPCC Helpline and Childline.

Children reached out to the charity for support after recognising domestic abuse and coercive control in their own family which left them with feelings of despair, of always being on edge, lonely and isolated.

Continual emotional maltreatment was a theme in contacts to the NSPCC Helpline where coercive and controlling behaviour was discussed. Adults told us about situations where the parent, and sometimes the child, were being sworn at, intimidated, ridiculed, or harassed. There were also themes of children being exposed to a parent who is continuously ignored, dismissed, belittled and undermined.

Economic and financial abuse can also occur within coercive controlling relationships and continue even once the relationship has ended. This can include taking over control of a partner’s finances, withholding money, stopping the partner from earning, controlling how money is spent, and damaging a partner’s financial health.

In contacts to our Helpline, it was noted that sometimes it was difficult for professionals to recognise coercive and controlling behaviour or understand how difficult it can be for someone to leave an abusive situation. Some parents told us that when they had talked to professionals about the abuse they were experiencing, they felt that the incidents were being minimised and they felt helpless, ignored, and not listened to.

The NSPCC believes we all have a responsibility to make sure this abuse stops so that children have a safe and stable environment to grow up in and it’s vital that everyone is aware of what coercive control can look like so that more of us can spot the signs and reach out with any concerns.

Children can display a range of behaviours that indicate there may be serious problems in their family relationships. Signs can include children "externalising" their difficult feelings through aggressive, bullying or anti-social behaviours.

Other children internalise their feelings and can experience mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Other signs of problems can include tantrums, bedwetting, constant or regular illness like colds, headaches and mouth ulcers, drug or alcohol use, eating disorders and withdrawal. Our Helpline has specially trained advisors who can speak to the public if they are worried about a child who may be experiencing or witnessing domestic abuse.

If a child talks to you about domestic abuse it’s important to listen carefully to what they’re saying, let them know they’ve done the right thing by telling you and tell them it’s not their fault. You’ll also need to report what the child has told you as soon as possible and explain to them what you’ll do next to help them.

Anyone with any concerns about the welfare of a child can call the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000 or email help@nspcc.org.uk.

Children can contact Childline on 0800 1111 or visit childline.org.uk.

Alison Wales is NSPCC Scotland Senior Policy and Public Affairs Officer