Cracking up
OH, the Glesga banter…
Linda Boyd was in a West End café, and having tippled a pot of tea, found herself attempting to gain access to the on-premises toilet.
No joy. It was locked.
A helpful chap serving at the counter handed her a slip of paper with the toilet code on it.
Linda studied the paper, and again tried to enter.
Still no joy.
She returned to the chap at the counter, who sighed a little less helpfully, grabbed the paper and bashed in the code.
“See?” he said, as the door swung open. “Simple.”
As Linda hung her head in shame, the chippy chappie added with emphasis: “I’ll tell you this for nothing. If I set up in business as a bank robber, you’re the last person I’d take on the payroll as a safecracker.”
What a tube
THE cousin of reader Janet Smith recently returned from a dream holiday on a cruise ship, which bobbed round Australia, New Zealand, and a few other exotic destinations, besides.
Janet was eager to learn about the glam voyage, and met up with her relative for a chinwag.
“So?” said Janet, bracing herself to hear of the wonders of Sydney and Auckland. “Tell all.”
“You’ll never guess,” trilled the cousin, immediately gushing into a highlight of the trip. “They had those tubes of cheese & onion Pringles in the dining area. Salt & vinegar, too!”
Walk this way
“AN escalator never really breaks down,” points out reader Jordan Chandler. “It just transforms into stairs.”
Hot stuff
THE Barbie and Oppenheimer blockbusters are being referred to by the composite title Barbenheimer. Which has inspired the Diary to also fuse together classic movies.
Bob Jamieson suggests an inspiring tale about those lucky folk who can afford central heating.
It will be titled… For a Few Dollars More Some Like It Hot.
Dance of doom
WITH Welsh rugby bosses banning the singing at sporting fixtures of the classic Tom Jones ditty Delilah, we’re predicting which songs will be outlawed next.
Reader Mike Conway suggests Murder on the Dancefloor by Sophie Ellis-Bextor.
Says Mike: “What really upsets me is that the dancefloor is the last place you’d want to commit a murder. Far too many witnesses.
“Any self-respecting fiend would helpfully explain that you’ll get better results in the library with the candlestick.”
Broken home
CURIOUS reader Brian Wadham asks: “If a dwelling collapses and traps a small rodent in the rubble, should you announce, ‘There’s a loose hoose aboot this moose?’”
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