Playing chicken

GROWING older can be a bit of a drag, though it has its advantages, points out reader Alex Williamson, who bid a fond adieu to the world of work last week, and is making big changes in his life.

“Now that I’m retired,” he says, “I’ve got so much spare time on my hands that I can say ‘Kentucky Fried Chicken’ instead of just pronouncing it ‘KFC’.”

The write stuff

WE mentioned a reader who was mightily irritated by her hubby’s daft joke. Lisa Barr, who used to teach Modern Studies, recalls a similar grim confrontation with a gruesome gag.

She was explaining to a class about the American penitentiary system, when one wag piped up: “Are you sure that’s no' where they lock up bad pens?”

Birdbrained idea

ON Argyle Street reader Mary Thomson spotted a mother handing her daughter, who was about eight years old, shredded slices of bread, then encouraging the youngster to chuck them in the air for the local bird population to enjoy.

The little girl didn’t seem especially enthusiastic about this proposition, but nonetheless decided to obey orders.

The bread was duly tossed… and the birds went wild. Like a befeathered gang of New York muggers they surrounded the cowering child, one even having the audacity to land on her shoulder.

“You see?” raged daughter to parent in haughty consternation. “THIS is what happens!”

Money matters

WE’RE reporting on the grim repercussions of the financial crises. “I was once so broke I couldn't pay my electricity bill,” recalls reader Henry Tyler. “Those were the darkest days of my life.”

Weaponised warbling

THE Diary has always maintained a lofty reputation for discussing high culture. For example, we recently mentioned the deeply emotional ballad Agadoo.

Which inspires reader Howard Ross to get in touch. “I discovered the song doesn’t originate with the British band Black Lace, who sang it in the 1980s,” he reveals.

“It can actually be traced back to a 1970 French recording. Which leads me to ask, is this the most diabolical episode in Anglo/French relations, topping even the ambitious activities of Monsieur Napoleon Bonaparte?”

Tight fit

THE Barbie and Oppenheimer blockbusters are being referred to by the composite title Barbenheimer. Which has inspired the Diary to similarly fuse together classic movies.

Robert Menzies suggests a film about a changing room mix-up…Twelve Angry Men in Tights.

The hard facts

“I BIT into yet another wooden ball,” grumbles Ted Durrell. “Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?”