Wacky winching
CULTURED Diary correspondent Angela Greig is looking forward to this year’s Edinburgh Festival, and is especially intrigued by a raunchy-sounding play titled – ahem – Clown Sex, which will be playing at the Pleasance.
“Forget about the sex,” says Angela, “I didn’t even know clowns could kiss. I always assumed when they leaned in for a smooch, the big red noses got in the way.”
Child’s play
OUR helpful readers are explaining in as pithy a manner as possible the rules of complex sports.
Says reader Mark Prior: “For those who are confused by what goes on at the Olympics, the 100-metre sprint is essentially a bunch of adults behaving exactly like small children upon hearing the enticing chimes of an ice-cream van on a nearby street.”
Hot stuff
LUCKY Bill Cassidy gets in touch to share his good news. “I've just won a single glove in a competition that I saw on the back of a Colman's jar,” he says, adding, “not the greatest prize, a mustard mitt.”
Madcap merger
THE simultaneous release of the Barbie and Oppenheimer movies has caused internet wags to refer to them using the composite title Barbenheimer.
Reader Scott Lawson wants to see classic flicks fused together in a similar way, and suggests a film about bloodthirsty gangsters and the course of true love.
It would be titled… Godfather of the Bride.
Up in smoke
THE Herald’s coverage of much-loved Italian cafes of the past brought a nostalgic grin to the face of Hugh Steele from Cumbernauld.
“On the way home from work in the late 50s,” he recalls, “my dad got off the tram at Queen’s Cross, and popped into Jaconelli's for his usual pack of 10 Senior Service.”
Mr Jaconelli was terribly confused. "I thought,” he said, “you had downgraded to Woodbine, Hugh. Your son was in today and bought a pack of five Woodies, which he said were for you."
Our rumbled reader received a painful punishment that night…
Watching the detectives
WE mentioned that Glasgow crime scribe Denise Mina has written a book tracing the further adventures of Raymond Chandler’s iconic LA gumshoe, Philip Marlowe.
Mina’s novel is called The Second Murderer, though our readers are disappointed she didn’t Glasgowfy the title of one of Chandler’s classic tomes, instead.
Says Kathy McKnight: “Farewell, My Lovely could be turned into… Laters, Babe.”
Dictionary corner
“WHAT word in the English language is always spelled wrong?” asks reader Gillian Lennox. The answer, of course, is… ‘wrong’.
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