Swift response
MANY people come to the Diary in need of succour. In this respect we’re similar to the Statue of Liberty, whose plinth reads: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.”
We’re not sure which of the above categories Sheila Whitehead comes under, though she’s clearly a tad disgruntled when she says: “I’m a 29-year-old woman, 30 in two months. Which leaves me with a serious predicament. Just how am I meant to feel about Taylor Swift? Should I…
- Like her music.
- Like her music, though only in an eyebrow-raised, ironic sort of way.
- Not like her music, and scold younger folk for their diabolical taste in pop divas.”
Adds Sheila: “I’m concerned that it’s (C), which may also mean I’ll have to start listening to Gilbert and Sullivan or Wagner’s Ring Cycle. Growing old. It really sucks.”
T for two
MORE musical musings. Heavy metal aficionado Alex Murray adores an 80s band called Ratt and often wears a tattered T-shirt procured years ago at one of their concerts.
One day his wife was glaring at this sartorially swanky sliver of cloth, so Alex enquired what was the problem.
“I’m studying the name Ratt,” she replied, “and wondering if it’s the first or second ‘t’ that’s silent.”
Murder, she wrote
WE mentioned that Glasgow crime scribe Denise Mina has written a book tracing the further adventures of fabled LA gumshoe Philip Marlowe, created by the late Raymond Chandler.
Mina’s novel is called The Second Murderer, though our readers believe she should have Glasgowfied the title of one of Chandler’s classic tomes, instead.
Says Iain Morris: “Chandler wrote The Lady in the Lake, which could be adapted into… The Doll in the Drink.”
Liquid laughs
CURIOUS Gerald Henderson says: “How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t grow there?”
Legging it
EAST Renfrewshire medic Christopher Ide was interviewing a new patient, and asked why she had been started on a particular medicine.
"It's for my restless legs syndrome, doctor," she replied, then added: "They seem to run in my family."
Grease is the word
ON Scottish social media a chap recalls a conversation with his technical education teacher, which took place when the pupil was busy turning a piece of scrap metal into something even scrappier.
“Oi!” said the teacher, “you need to use some elbow grease.”
The perplexed pupil replied: “Which cupboard will I find that in, sir?”
Train of thought
WELL-TRAVELLED Ryan Shaw asks: “Do ghost trains only stop at manifestations?”
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