Shakespeare & Co.
A TALE of classic literature, old-time sport, and two very regal chaps.
In the era when a certain kingly personage reigned supreme at Celtic Park, reader Matt Lloyd was working as an English teacher in Glasgow’s East End.
Shakespeare’s finest tragedy was the subject of discussion in class, with specific focus on the iconic speech where the despairing protagonist contemplates his mortality, and swithers over ending it all.
“So,” said Matt to the students, “what does Hamlet mean when he says ‘To be or not to be’?”
One young scholar thrust aloft an eager mitt, then said: “Sir! Sir! Is it the same hing that King Kenny wis goin’ on aboot when he said: ‘Mibbes aye, mibbes naw’?”
Talking balls (again)
A READER recently admitted being confused by the complexities of cricket.
Arthur Deane was similarly bamboozled by the American version of football. Though after close analysis of the sport he came to understand its intricacies, which he explains below…
“A guy in a helmet chucks a funny-shaped ball, and another guy in a helmet tries to catch it. Meanwhile, another guy in another helmet tries to knock down the original guy in a helmet.
"At the same time, another guy in a helmet tries to knock down the guy in a helmet trying to knock down the guy in a helmet.
"Then another guy… and on and forever onwards, with an infinite number of guys, and an infinite number of helmets. (Though, intriguingly, only one funny-shaped ball.)”
Pure filth
“PERHAPS it’s my childish sense of humour,” titters Finlay Buchanan from Edinburgh, “but I was amused by a news item about Lib-Dem leader Alex Cole-Hamilton’s proposals for improving the sewage system in Scotland, where he criticised SNP MSPs for not signing his motion.”
Fighting talk
THE concerned Diary mentioned that the UK is in a dire defensive situation, for our once-pugnacious kingdom is running short on munitions.
Unperturbed reader Sharon Brooks says: “At least we’ve still got plenty of tanks. Okay, they’re located in Chinese restaurants, and they have goldfish floating in them. Still, it’s a start.”
A ripping yarn
A DIARY story about shoe fastenings inspires Gordon Fisher from Stewarton to admit he’s been struggling to get out of bed most mornings.
Sighs Gordon: “I wish I'd never bought those Velcro pyjamas…”
Clocking on
“I RECEIVED a letter stating that my great-aunt left me an antique gold watch in her will,” says reader Paula Connor. “I hope it’s not a wind-up.”
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