- Hard to swallow
OUR mention of a rude waitress reminds Dan Wright of the time he travelled and worked in America while enjoying a gap year before uni.
For a memorable few weeks he manned the counter in a greasy and disreputable Californian diner, where a female customer optimistically asked the manager if there was anything on the menu that wasn’t sugary or fattening.
The manager glared at the woman with undisguised contempt, then said: “Wanna chew on one of our napkins? You can have two if you want – that’ll fill you right up.”
- Stick at it
WE’RE discussing the late fatherhoods of Robert De Niro and Al Pacino. Reader Harold Nicholson notes that another elderly thespian, Michael Caine, has written his very first novel – in his 90s.
“I’m 86, myself,” Harold tells us, “and I spent my entire career as an accountant. Maybe I should have a go at something entirely different. I’ve always fancied being an Olympic pole-vaulter. You might even say I’ve started training, for I’m already adept at wielding a walking stick…”
- Furnishing: the truth
OUR readers are a curious bunch who have long pondered the most profound mysteries of the universe. Donna McGregor is one such philosopher, and she gets in touch to ask a metaphysical question regarding metamorphosis.
Says Donna: “Is a sofa-bed a sofa that’s pretending it’s a bed? Or a bed that’s pretending it’s a sofa?”
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- Brought to book
ENGLISH teacher Helen Ford admits that it is increasingly difficult to persuade her young scholars to take even a passing glance at something that resembles a novel.
An intransigent pupil in her classroom was once showing great trepidation about perusing a copy of The Catcher In The Rye that lurked threateningly on his desk.
“Don’t be scared to open it,” coaxed Helen. “It’s just like logging in to your laptop. Best of all, you don’t need to remember a password.”
- Loopy lit
ON the subject of literature: playful reader Beth Pattison has decided to improve well-known novels by adding a completely unnecessary word to each title.
She’s now eager to read Lord of the Bathtub Rings.
- Flat food
WE mentioned a peckish reader who gobbled up roadkill, which reminds Brian Chrystal of the Roadkill Cafe in Cape Breton Island in Nova Scotia, Canada, which boasted the slogan "From your grill to ours".
- Back to black
“WHEN I try and do something creative, I never manage to complete it,” admits reader Chris Robertson. “I have a blackbelt in partial arts.”
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