Tom Gordon
THERE was a curious Star Wars vibe to FMQs today.
First, there was a dodgy sequel.
Iain Gray, as he reminded us, last acted as Labour leader 183 weeks ago.
Nicola Sturgeon welcomed him back "briefly - although with Labour these days, who knows?"
Then there was the Death Star, aka the planet-sized South Glasgow University Hospital before overwhelmed staff and patients renamed it.
Opened in April, it already has the worst A&E waiting times in Scotland.
Trading cutely on his long exile, Mr Gray said 183 weeks certainly was a lot, but how many was it since the SNP last met its national A&E targets?
The FM, flinching nonchalantly, said nine in 10 patients were being seen on time.
Ah, but nine in 10 isn't the target, said Mr Gray, quick as a light sabre. Ok, a 40W one.
The truth, he said, was the SNP had missed the four-hour target 296 weeks in a row.
"That is not good enough - we intend to meet the target," breathed the SNP's Darth Leader, balling a leather fist at the thought of Shona Robison in a choke hold.
"It seems obvious that if we spend £850m on a hospital it should be the best," continued the rebel Gray. "Now it is being described as a 'war zone'."
Ms Sturgeon angrily reminded him what to think.
"The term 'war zone' is not appropriate to use in relation to any Empire hospitals," she hissed.
Besides, Labour wanted to close A&Es but the SNP kept them open and protected budgets.
"That is what a responsible, competent government does and it is probably the reason why I am standing here right now and Iain Gray is not."
Behind her, the Nat backbenchers burbled approvingly like the creatures in the Cantina scene.
But the rebel alliance pushed on, with Ruth Davidson piling in over NHS bed losses and rising vacancies, and Willie Rennie warning of a crisis caused by a galaxy of retiring GPs.
"There is a theme emerging here today," growled the FM, prompting opposition mutterings of, "Aye, you're rubbish".
That theme, she continued, was "the opposition likes to come to the chamber with problems; this is the Government that focuses on finding solutions".
But if it ain't broke, why all the solutions? Alas, the force is not strong with this health service.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article