today I feel sad, exhausted, relieved - and a bit embarrassed as to how the rest of the world will view our country.

A country that wouldn't vote for its own independence must seem like a very strange and bewildering place to those countries across the world that have fought so hard for their own.

I am sad that so many in Scotland voted with the rich and privileged and with big business and handed the chance of power back to the British establishment.

We have witnessed the full force of the British state in all its glory over the past few months and it has been an unedifying sight. But it terrified enough of the people to keep them all - all the rich and powerful - in the style to which they have become accustomed.

In truth, I always feared a narrow Yes vote more than a narrow defeat because I was worried that would have unleashed a huge torrent of abuse and negativity within Scotland, of which we have had only a glimpse so far; the anger of "No Better Together" has been palpable.

I am also one of the lucky ones. I will go back to a comfortable, happy life and career - I won't be queuing at a foodbank like many of the working poor or worrying about how to pay the bills. The poor are the only real losers today; they are the ones that will be ignored, taken for granted, demonised again in the next few months as scroungers, subsidy junkies and benefit cheats. The deal for more powers, cobbled together and undeliverable, will do nothing for them.

I am immensely proud of the Yes campaign and what it achieved. To get so close from where we started is remarkable. It's been a privilege to be a part of it.

There will be discussions as to why fear triumphed at the last hurdle, why the SNP vote switched in areas like Perthshire, and questions over what we failed to articulate to make people feel safe and secure enough to vote Yes - but that's for later.

I promised myself at the start of this that I didn't want to look back and think I could have done more. It's been a difficult thing to raise my head above the parapet in this sphere - unlike many involved who are paid politicians or have a vested interest in the power and leadership class of Britain and can see a seat in the House of Lords at the end of it, there is no reward in this for me personally except that I want my grandaughter to live in a better place.

This campaign has brought much joy and affirmation and I have made wonderful friends along the way, as well as being astounded by the amazing and dedicated people in the towns, villages and schemes of this country.

It has also brought brickbats and nastiness from people who should know better, and there are friendships that may never recover, but, as with everything in life, we have to try and come from a place of compassion ... but maybe not just yet.

But we go on. Accept defeat, dust ourselves down and build on what we have achieved, holding those in power to account (or not in power, as in Gordon Brown's case - but we will hold him to account, too) and make sure they deliver for the people of this country. Though truthfully, "ah hae ma doots".

This is not the end ...