JOHANN Lamont called them squirrels - random distractions used to dodge questions and change the subject.
Alex Salmond, never a lover of facts, was a past master of the technique.
But his pupil excelled him at First Minister’s Questions today, as Nicola Sturgeon set loose the mother of all squirrels and escaped in the chaos that followed.
It hadn’t been a happy day until then, with Kezia Dugdale demanding to know if the SNP would match her party’s £440m plan to offset tax credit cuts.
Unwilling to commit the cash, Ms Sturgeon got cranky instead, accusing Scottish Labour of “basic incompetence” and being “less Keir Hardie, more Laurel and Hardy”.
Then Ruth Davidson bandied new stats showing a widening educational attainment gap between rich and poor children.
“The First Minister has said that she wants to be judged on her record. In education, her record is one of failure,” she said curtly, as Nat MSPs studied their desks in silence.
Ms Sturgeon mumbled meekly that, yeah, ok, more could be done, but inside her the lava was rising.
When Annabel Goldie complained about an SNP tax credits “shambles”, the FM flew at her.
“I give Baroness Goldie 10 out of 10 for sheer brass neck,” she seethed, reminding everyone Ms Goldie voted in the House of Lords last week for tax credit cuts.
“It will be a long time before I am prepared to take any lectures on tax credits in this chamber from Baroness Goldie.”
Finally, Tory Murdo Fraser asked if the SNP would copy Labour tax rises, or “join us and rule out higher taxes on families and businesses in Scotland - yes or no?”
Next to him, Alex Johnstone waggled his fingers in a come-hither, “join us” gesture.
It was all too much for Ms Sturgeon. Out came the squirrel.
“Murdo Fraser should advise his colleague Alex Johnstone that when he is encouraging me to join him, he should not sit there leering at me in that strange way,” she said.
The chamber was agog.
Now Mr Johnstone is a big, beefy, pie-chasing sort of loon with a permanently hungry, even wolfish, look.
You can imagine him mentally undressing a poke of chips, or gyrating dreamily against the counter at Greggs, but leering at an inedible Ms Sturgeon?
“It is extremely off-putting,” she went on. “I will recover my composure for just a second.”
She then made a vague promise of future plans, but hardly a word was audible over the hubbub of MSPs discussing Mr Johnstone, instantly dubbed the Beast fae the North East.
It fell to Presiding Officer Tricia Marwick to try and salvage his reputation.
“I don’t think Mr Johnstone is in the habit of ‘leering’ in this chamber, First Minister,” she said.
But afterwards it was all anyone was talking about. Squirrel successful. Job done.
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