THE chairman of the Scottish Referees Association says they might consider allowing referees to give interviews after matches to explain decisions. It reminds reader Hugh Brennan: "Pity they don't have the communication skills of the late Tom 'Tiny' Wharton. Tom liked to tell the story of an Old Firm match when he disallowed a 'goal' for Rangers. As he ran (backwards) towards the centre circle a voice behind him from Jim Baxter exclaimed, 'You're a blind b*****d referee'. 'What did you say, Mr Baxter?' said Tiny. Baxter replied, 'Oh C*****! Don't tell me you're deaf as well!'"
THERE was a heated debate in The Herald letters' page about restaurants passing off beef stew with a pastry lid on top as steak pie. For some reason it reminds us of the reader who was in a Largs butcher's famed for its range of steak pies. A wee wummin at the front couldn't decide on what size of steak pie she wanted. The butcher, trying to help, asked how many it was to feed.
Without hesitation, she replied: "Two and a dug."
A PIECE of whimsy from comedy writer Sanjeev Kohli who declares: "If I'd have known my phone call would be 'recorded for training porpoises', I would have done a series of high-pitched clicks."
HEART-WARMING to see that no one had a bad word to say about the late Terry Wogan. In fact we had to turn to our own dear Herald for some Wogan controversy 10 years ago when Terry broadcasted his show from Aberdeen, bit into a "rowie" - the local roll - and declared on air: "It is like a mouthful of seaweed. It is an acquired taste - maybe with a bit of butter or perhaps even a dash of marmalade." Naturally The Herald sent out a reporter in Aberdeen to find locals defending the rowie. What we particularly liked was that The Herald ended the story with a recipe for rowies - can't help thinking that more news stories should end with a recipe or two to lighten the mood.
DONALD Trump big news in America just now. A reader sends us a Trump drinking game from America. The rules are: "Whenever Trump says anything racist or sexist, put a dollar in a jar. When full, donate the money to the Bernie Sanders campaign and have a drink. Please do not take a drink every time Trump says something racist or sexist. You will die of alcohol poisoning."
THE big business news is that supermarket Sainsbury's wants to take over Argos and set it up in their stores. As JD Allan remarks: "Sainsbury's to buy Argos - as soon as they find a little blue pen that works."
NATURALLY shows try their best to get free publicity. We commend therefore the Circus of Horrors, coming to Glasgow next month, which tells us that one of their clowns, Doug Child from Strathblane, who appears as Rellik the Psycho Clown, suffers from coulrophobia - a fear of clowns. Says a spokesman for the Circus: “When Doug first donned his horrendous costume he could not look at himself in the mirror. He had to get other people to apply his make-up and tell him what it looked like. The first time he saw himself he freaked out and washed it off immediately.”
For that daft story alone they deserve a mention.
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