Baby talk

YES, congratulations to the Royal Couple of course. But as Simon Holland put it: "Wife shouts through, 'Kate had her baby!' I reply, 'That's cool. Tell her I said congrats' and then I sit there thinking that I didn't know we knew anyone called Kate."

Many people were happy with the news. Others, not so much. As a reader emails us: "Do you know, it's been quite nice to watch the news and be irritated by something other than Donald Trump or Brexit for a few hours. A change really is as good as a rest."

Bit lukewarm

AND while folk were not bothered about the Royal Baby, the idea of folk camping outside the hospital where the baby was born surprised one or two people. As the social media site of Irish bookmakers Paddy Power put it: "Some folk have been waiting outside a hospital for 15 days for a baby they have no connection with. I can't be bothered waiting three minutes for my microwave meal to cook properly. Two minutes will do, lukewarm is fine."

Up her nose

GREAT weather in Glasgow on Saturday, and then the inevitable rain came on Sunday just while we were getting used to it. As Scottish singer/songwriter KT Tunstall described it: "There was a certain type of rain in Glasgow on Sunday that manages to float up and underneath your umbrella. Extraordinary."

Sticking point

SOMEHOW we wandered into unusual places to be caught short, as they say. Bob Gardner tells us: "I've climbed and hill-walked all my life, One of the lads always stopped for a serious toilet stop most days out. One day we were traversing a ridge about a foot or so wide. It was a particularly cold day with lots of snow and ice. Just as he completed his task he sussed that there was another party not far behind. He panicked and kicked what he had produced, which by this time had frozen solid.

"He had not taken into account that he had his crampons on, and the result was that everything stuck on the front points. We being a distance away heard some naughty words and saw him doing what we thought was a tribal dance."

Out the closet

AND the stories remind a reader that the ornate Victorian public toilets in Ellon, Aberdeenshire, closed down, with the premises being turned into a barber's. The sign outside the former Gents entrance simply stated "Al's Hairdresser's" with a sign inside explaining "Ur in Als".

Domestic bliss

TODAY'S piece of daftness comes from a reader who emails: "I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture. But when I got home the tables were turned."

Didn't clock it

OUR tale of the Glasgow chap taking the wrong set of dentures before heading off to work, reminds Iain MacDonald in Oban: "Many years ago my father, having got up for work, dressed and breakfasted, collected all his stuff and left our flat near Anniesland and headed for his car. Half way on his short journey, he became aware of a ticking under his arm. On checking the source of this, he discovered that he’d lifted the alarm clock instead of his pieces."

Bit of a build up

WE recognise the triumphant look in a colleague’s fizzer as he approached us and announced: “The other day I had thousands of letters shoved through my letter-box.” We wait, and then he adds: “That’s the very last time I order an IKEA dictionary.”