THE neighbours from hell have moved in next to the Holyrood Indycamp. Worse than drug dealers, worse than leylandii, the BBC have arrived. Cursing the sacred soil of freedom glade with their dark Unionist magic, the Beeb's goons are putting up tents for the election coverage. As some Indycampers led the 'BBC bias' protests in 2014, this is none too popular. ‘The area’s gone right downhill,’ tuts our man in the woad longjohns and clapped out camper van.

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WE recently reported how Shetland SNP candidate Danus Skene had hacked off Whalsay residents by crashing his car into one of the island’s two payphones. Though its body is broken, the box has found a new life as a social media hub. After someone sprayed “Vote SNP” on it, someone else duly sprayed “Vote SNP Out!” on top. How needs Twitter when you've the Whalsay payphone?

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THE SNP's Toni Giugliano in Edinburgh Western hoped to honk up a storm recently with a noisy flag-decked motorcade, But unwisely, he had the cars muster outside his office on St John’s Road, Scotland’s most polluted street. LibDem rival Alex Cole-Hamilton then Tweeted that more traffic was the last thing wheezing locals wanted. Mr Giugliano’s convoy was abandoned. Spookily, the end of the lead vehicle’s licence plate, like the idea, was "KAK".

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SPEAKING of Edinburgh Western, we hear ex-SNP MP Michelle Thomson has changed lawyer as the police probe into her property empire widens, swapping Aamer Anwar for the equally redoubtable John Scott QC. The reason is a mystery. But we note Mr Scott is an expert on stop and search. So faced with a frisk, Ms Thomson will at least know her rights.

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CANDIDATES get all sorts of spam - sorry, vital info - from charities. The British Horse Society, for example, has been lobbying on “Equestrianism amongst your constituents”. As if its initials weren’t unlucky enough, the BHS begins “As you campaign for election to the Scottish Assembly,” a body last heard of in the 1979 referendum. A nag too far?

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LABOUR efforts to woo voters in Leith had a mixed start, we hear. Activists were thrilled to unveil the party’s message on a huge electronic billboard. Alas, their joy was short-lived. The board refreshed its screen every minute and almost immediately they were looking up at a vast picture of Nicola Sturgeon glaring down coldly on them.