heady heady
MICHAEL Brogan was in a bank branch in Kilmarnock when a wee girl in the queue with her dad was holding a balloon. Says Michael: "The inevitable happened and the balloon burst with a loud bang. The customer in front who was speaking to the cashier said as quick as a flash, 'Now gie's the money'.
I thought it was amusing but wondered what would have happened if the cashier had pressed an alarm button."
BIG SNP conference in Glasgow at the weekend. MP Pete Wishart got a bit excited and put on social media that it was "fantastic that we passed the motion enabling all women shirt lists." Pete alas does not explain whether he is in favour of women wearing them or ironing them.
A DAFT gag for the start of the week from Robin Gilmour who tells us of the two Glasgow polis on patrol who radioed to headquarters to say that a woman had shot her husband in anger after he stepped on the floor she had just mopped clean.
"Have you arrested the woman?" their sergeant asked.
"Not yet Sarge," they replied. "The floor's still wet."
NOT great weather in Glasgow yesterday. As one shopper declared while jooking from doorway to doorway: "Sunday - well that's a misnomer."
DRINKER in a Glasgow bar at the weekend said he went to see a fortune teller when he was down at Blackpool recently. "She told me that she could see me in the middle of a huge snow storm heading towards a log cabin. I had to interrupt her to tell her she'd picked up her snow globe by mistake."
HUGH Dougherty in Glasgow was surprised to see an Orange Walk in Partick on Saturday as he thought it was a bit early in the year for such events. But as he says: "And then I remembered the Orangeman's Calendar - January, February, March, March, March."
ELECTION leaflets are coming through the doors thick and fast. Ian Morrison received one from Labour's East Dunbartonshire candidate Dr Amanjit Jhund which is promising "introducing a Mansion to help save and transform our NHS." Alas he doesn't say where it would be built or what it would be used for.
A FINAL thought on the BBC's sacking of Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson. As Bruce Skivington remarked: "At least the Prime Minister can say he is just like the rest of us and has a friend who is unemployed."
IAN Power tells us: "My toddler keeps insisting I do my Spiderman impression. It's driving me up the wall.'
Pic capt:
"A Hitchcockian nightmare in East Anglia," says Foster Evans.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article