BANANA news, and the controversial comestible has been banned from the Aberdeenshire village of Portsoy.
"About time too," you say, before you've even heard the story behind the decision. Pour yourself another schooner of sherry and I'll tell you what it is. Oh, you read about it in The Herald?
Fair enough. But here's a recap for those who may have skipped the item because their interest in current affairs does not normally extend to fruit.
Portsoy is playing host on July 4 and 5 to the Aberdeen Asset Management Scottish Traditional Boat Festival. Hmm, I didn't know Aberdeen Asset Management had so many sailors.
The point about the banana is that it's considered bad luck for boats. Roger Goodyear, festival chairman, said: "We want to do everything possible to make sure our 2015 festival is a success and we do not want to take any chances."
Why would a banana adversely affect a boat? Well, we're talking superstition here, so hang your rationality on the hatstand for now. The explanation, such as it is, relates to the early 18th century banana trade in yonder Caribbean
Boats transporting bananas had to move right quickly to make sure the comestibles were delivered ripe, which was unlucky for the crew as they didn't have time to catch fish. I see.
Bilge is the nautical term that springs to mind. But, still, the resultant superstition poses an interesting question for men and women of the world like you and, arguably, I, who might be tempted to say: "Psshaw!"
For, say we were about to get in a boat and we noticed that some kind person had stuck a banana in our sou'wester pocket. Aware of the superstition, would we proceed aboard with it, or would we ditch it - just to be on the safe side because you never know, you know?
A man of reason like the present writer would ditch it because he believes life on this planet to be a joke played by a doolally deity.
The sea, in particular, is one of the Odd Lord's most peculiar creations, what with its waves, winds and whatnot. Once, during one of the many crises in my mostly deplorable life, a mate phoned me on my portable telephone and said by way of solace: "Never mind. Worse things happen at sea." I was just about to get on a ferry.
And I can confirm that, in fact, worse things happen on land. I love boats, and am fond of bananas, but it seems that never the twain might meet. 'Tis a pity. But Britain was made great by boats and not, though some of you might disagree, by bananas.
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