Like many central belters, the semantic web of religion, football and Scottish identity were thrust upon me just in time for me to distinguish blue from green.
Between a Catholic mother who put her foot down when it came to Catholic religion and schooling, and an Atheist-Protestant father who begrudgingly agreed, I learned all the offensive songs and derogatory terms about these respective identities before I could say spaghetti straight.
To articulate my upbringing more bluntly, I had one brother with a dedicated Bobby Sands wall, and another brother who had The Sash as the tinny ringtone of a Nokia 5210.
In my Coatbridge bubble, we were happily resigned to the 'they're both as bad as each other' spiel, as the evidence was there to prove it.
Aged eight, I was called a dirty f****n b*****d by a grown man whilst walking home from primary school, minding my own business except for the damning offence of the Catholic school tie.
At around 5-years-old, a bus full of Celtic supporters on their way home from a game stopped the bus completely to shout expletives and make vulgar signs out the window at me and my brothers and sister as we carried Rangers bedsheets the same size as us home.
For me they were one and the same; hate and hate, violence and violence.
Now, a bit more grown, there's mounting evidence that one team is indeed 'worse'. One is known for increasingly encouraging a philanthropic culture. The other has strong connections to an internationally structured organisation founded on principles of racial and religious superiority, never mind delving into their ridiculous tax saga.
Over this past year since moving back to Scotland, I've realised that the Orange Order, extended to include Rangers fans depending on their sporting misfortunes, has become a scratching post for many whom I would consider on my side of the political spectrum.
On the one hand: fair dues, they have a proven track record of associated violence and hatred-only last year a 12-year-old was injured by a thrown bottle at the annual OO March in Glasgow City Centre. This is unacceptable.
On the other hand, can it be ever be so simple as: Orangemen bad, everyone else good?
See I always get this sickly feeling when the hate for the Orange Order begins to proliferate on my feed. Because while I will always salute the decision to interrogate hatred in Scotland, the spectrum of comments on the Orange Order and Rangers often range from the patronising and humiliating, to the classist, to the dehumanising.
Is this what it is to be 'progressive' in Scotland now? To mock their line up of musicians and clothes; to call them all yobs, schemies and hooligans; and to say that they have no culture?
This is not to defend the opinions of Orangemen and women, but to articulate the real need for a different approach if we want them to rethink the OO.
UKIP returned an unprecedented vote at the General Election. If we get the electoral reform a fairer society needs, they will reap the biggest rewards.
How did this happen? Is it because the UK is home to millions of people electorally fuelled by hatred for difference? I don't think so.
UKIP's success is the sum total of a media and politics hellbent on demonising immigrants to excuse their own shortcomings, and a political elite who wave UKIP supporters away as yobs with one wave of the hand-an elitist and patronising response to the concerns they themselves are fuelling.
Members of the Orange Order are regular people, with some of their largest communities in Scotland's densely working class areas. These are people to whom we should be arguing the case for change, not taking to social media to lament how backward they are while sipping a flat white in Finnieston.
Are we really all that perfect? Do you, like me, not have a racist, Scottish granny we argue with whenever we visit? I'm not going to start campaigning to have the bingo halls shut cos they're dens of bigots. I'm going to continue to make the case against militarisation and austerity, and for immigration and feminism until she shuts me up with a cup of tea and a bourbon.
This is not to condemn speaking out against hatred and bigotry, but we've all had the humbling experience of being called out for ignorance, and our change sometimes required some engagement and an empathetic explanation. The will for change has to come from within the organisation, but continuing to force them into martyrdom is exactly where they need not address their very real violences.
Are we building a society based on hope, inclusion and engagement? Or one that carefully excises the first person to misstep in the complex dance we're calling 'progress'? How can we get it right here, when it's continuing to go so wrong in the rest of the UK?
I don't pretend to know what the answer is, but I don't think this is it.
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