It is no accident the biggest wally Steve Coogan ever created was a broadcaster. For towering vanity and endless neediness, Alan Partridge takes some beating. The Douglas in Douglas is Cancelled (ITV1, Thursday) is willing to try, but given lovely Hugh “Downton/W1A/Paddington” Bonneville plays the character there is a limit on how much of a monster he can be.
Betting is out of fashion in politics at the moment, so best not to put money on it, but here is a racing certainty for the week ahead. Whoever becomes Prime Minister, you will not see a picture of their other half blearily opening the door in her nightie to a flower delivery guy. Cue Chic Murray joke about a funny place to have a door.
Hello, police please. I’d like to report a mugging. Broad daylight, last Saturday, in the cafe of a well-known High Street store. What was stolen? £17 from my good person - the cost of two tuna sandwiches and two soft drinks.
There are now just days to go before two very important events take place. One is the general election. The other is Nicola Sturgeon making her debut as a pundit on ITV’s election night show. I know, I thought it was a spoof too, but it is true. On July 4, the former First Minister of Scotland will be joining George Osborne and Ed Balls in dispensing wit and wisdom on ITV1 from 9.50pm.
Rishi Sunak must wonder what else the fates have in store for him between now and polling day. Then again, as the leader of a scandal-hit party widely held to have been in power for too long, what else should he expect? Yet contrast Sunak’s obvious misery with the demeanour of John Swinney. Despite being in a similar position to the Prime Minister, the SNP leader and Scotland’s First Minister looks positively chipper, a politician reborn.
How are you bearing up under the strain of the wall-to-wall football coverage? My favourite pundit so far is Roy Keane for ITV1, who comes across like a resting Tasmanian devil (cartoon version). While perfectly calm and well-behaved for the most part, you fear that any minute he could kick off and it will be carnage. I cannot wait. Meanwhile, on the BBC (best backdrop by far), Gary Lineker was doing his best to be this generation’s Jimmy Hill. After watching an interview with the Scotland manager after the Germany gubbing, the programme cut back to the studio where Lineker deadpanned: “Well, you got enough of Steve Clarke's energy and enthusiasm there, haven't you?” Stick to the day job flogging Next T-shirts and crisps, Gaz.
It was love at first sight between me and my new winter coat. Lovely colour, luxuriously padded, there was even a clever gizmo to draw the hood off the face; no more walking into lampposts for this gal. But now it is flaming June and I’m still wearing the blooming coat. “What happened to the summer?” asked a neighbour. “Did I blink and miss it?”
One is a slave to his “romantic urges”, leaves a mess wherever he likes, and generally causes havoc from the moment he wakes. The other is Dilyn, Boris Johnson’s Jack Russell-cross and, one fancies, the inspiration for the title of Unleashed, the former Prime Minister’s memoir. HarperCollins has announced a publication date of October 10 for what it calls an “honest, unrestrained and deeply revealing book by the politician who has dominated our times”.
'It is going to be a squeeze on those green benches' writes Alison Rowat, but why are opponents and critics rowing back from Labour and Keir Starmer's crimson tide?
In a general election short of star power, one name is guaranteed to attract photographers and reporters to an event. Angela Rayner was in Scotland at the weekend, doing what she does best - being Angela Rayner. You might think it was the minimum required of any politician to be themselves, yet look at the two contenders to be Prime Minister in this election. Neither is a natural campaigner and both have had to fight claims of being “boring”. Voters don’t want the times or their politicians to be too interesting in a Chinese curse/Liz Truss kind of way. But elections still require box office performers to sustain interest, and few can match Rayner on that score. For popularity within the party and voter recognition, only Nicola Sturgeon surpasses her.
