When I was seven ...
I was living on the RAF Hendon Air Force base.
The first time my heart was broken ...
I played Scott Walker's No Regrets, followed by Dolly Parton's Here You Come Again, drank a bottle of wine and actually had a great time. It's funny because at the time it was the most devastating thing in my life but now I can't even remember his last name.
The wisest thing my grandmother told me ...
Just before I got married, my grandmother said: "Now Joey, let me tell you, there's a big difference between living together and marriage. If you're living together and he dies in a suspicious way – you're not a suspect. But the moment you get married, you become the prime suspect." To this day I still don't know if she was joking or not.
The greatest adversity I have overcome ...
Apart from being married to an Aberdonian? Being a woman in a male arena. I get so angry at "Are women funny?" debates. Of course they are, but a lot of women choose not to live this life. I've always felt if you're going to use being a woman as a weakness, it is a weakness.
My soul mate is ...
My husband Kevin. He's intelligent and an idiot. He infuriates me and calms me down when I'm infuriated.
Not many people know that ...
I left school at 17 to play drums in a rockabilly band. I'd never played drums before our first gig. We were awful.
The most inspiring book I've read is ...
Too many, but I've read Joan Rivers autobiography Enter Talking several times. She's faced adversity, heartbreak and still come out fighting.
What I look for in a friend is ...
My friends are gloriously varied. They come from different periods in my life. There's my "bitchy" friends, my "drinky" friends, my "comedian" friends, my "gay-boy" friends, my "lets-go-for-dinner" friends and my "lets-go-for-dinner-and-criticise-our-friends" friends. They're all intelligent and funny.
The first people I ring when I'm upset are ...
My sister, my husband or the off-licence. My sister is best if I want to moan and have her say: "Yes, you're right, everyone's a b******". My husband is best if I want to actually do something constructive.
The secret to a strong relationship ...
Is phoning my sister rather than my husband.
Something I wish I'd done earlier ...
Early in my career I wish I'd stood up for myself and told comedy producers they were wrong. I was naive enough to think anyone who worked in radio or TV understood comedy. One producer told me to drop a joke he didn't think was funny. The joke got the biggest laugh of the show. I never took his advice again.
My all-time favourite YouTube clip -
It's a toss-up between Symphony of Science – the Quantum World, a musical investigation into subatomic particles, with Morgan Freeman, Stephen Hawking, Michio Kaku, Brian Cox, and Frank Close – or Sneezing Baby Panda. Yeah, Sneezing Baby Panda wins it every time.
My childhood hero was ...
Calamity Jane as played by Doris Day – not the actual Calamity Jane, who I think was a syphilitic alcoholic. I loved the fringed cowboy outfits and couldn't understand why the men didn't see Jane was attractive until she put on a dress.
The place I most like to call home ...
Is Edinburgh. I've lived here for just under two years and wish I'd moved here earlier. Even visiting Cameron Toll Shopping Centre is a treat.
Jo Caulfield – Thinking Bad Thoughts is at The Stand Comedy Club, part of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, until August 26. For ticket information, call 0131 558 7272 or visit www.thestand.co.uk. She is in the play Coalition at the Pleasance Dome until August 26. Visit www.edfringe.com
Soul Searching: Jo Caulfield
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